It is not my intention to delay over my life either at home or at North Villa, during the spring and summer.  This would be merely to repeat much of what has been already related.  It is better to proceed at once to the closing period of my probation; to a period which it taxes my resolution severely to write of at all.  A few weeks more of toil at my narrative, and the penance of this poor task-work will be over.

* * * * * *

Imagine then, that the final day of my long year of expectation has arrived; and that on the morrow, Margaret, for whose sake I have sacrificed and suffered so much, is at last really to be mine.

On the eve of the great change in my life that was now to take place, the relative positions in which I, and the different persons with whom I was associated, stood towards each other, may be sketched thus:—­

My father’s coldness of manner had not altered since his return to London.  On my side, I carefully abstained from uttering a word before him, which bore the smallest reference to my real situation.  Although when we met, we outwardly preserved the usual relations of parent and child, the estrangement between us had now become complete.

Clara did not fail to perceive this, and grieved over it in secret.  Other and happier feelings, however, became awakened within her, when I privately hinted that the time for disclosing my secret to my sister was not far off.  She grew almost as much agitated as I was, though by very different expectations—­she could think of nothing else but the explanation and the surprise in store for her.  Sometimes, I almost feared to keep her any longer in suspense; and half regretted having said anything on the subject of the new and absorbing interest of my life, before the period when I could easily have said all.

Mr. Sherwin and I had not latterly met on the most cordial terms.  He was dissatisfied with me for not having boldly approached the subject of my marriage in my father’s presence; and considered my reasons for still keeping it secret, as dictated by morbid apprehension, and as showing a total want of proper firmness.  On the other hand, he was obliged to set against this omission on my part, the readiness I had shown in meeting his wishes on all remaining points.  My life was insured in Margaret’s favour; and I had arranged to be called to the bar immediately, so as to qualify myself in good time for every possible place within place-hunting range.  My assiduity in making these preparations for securing Margaret’s prospects and mine against any evil chances that might happen, failed in producing the favourable effect on Mr. Sherwin, which they must assuredly have produced on a less selfish man.  But they obliged him, at least, to stop short at occasional grumblings about my reserve with my father, and to maintain towards me a sort of sulky politeness, which was, after all, less offensive than the usual infliction of his cordiality, with its unfailing accompaniment of dull stories and duller jokes.