Hazard of New Fortunes, a — Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 638 pages of information about Hazard of New Fortunes, a — Complete.

Hazard of New Fortunes, a — Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 638 pages of information about Hazard of New Fortunes, a — Complete.
like it, that if Beaton cared nothing for the other girl—­and Christine appeared simply detestable to Kendricks—­he had better keep away from her, and not give her the impression he was in love with her.  He rather fancied that this was the part of a gentleman, and he could not have penetrated to that aesthetic and moral complexity which formed the consciousness of a nature like Beaton’s and was chiefly a torment to itself; he could not have conceived of the wayward impulses indulged at every moment in little things till the straight highway was traversed and well-nigh lost under their tangle.  To do whatever one likes is finally to do nothing that one likes, even though one continues to do what one will; but Kendricks, though a sage of twenty-seven, was still too young to understand this.

Beaton scarcely understood it himself, perhaps because he was not yet twenty-seven.  He only knew that his will was somehow sick; that it spent itself in caprices, and brought him no happiness from the fulfilment of the most vehement wish.  But he was aware that his wishes grew less and less vehement; he began to have a fear that some time he might have none at all.  It seemed to him that if he could once do something that was thoroughly distasteful to himself, he might make a beginning in the right direction; but when he tried this on a small scale, it failed, and it seemed stupid.  Some sort of expiation was the thing he needed, he was sure; but he could not think of anything in particular to expiate; a man could not expiate his temperament, and his temperament was what Beaton decided to be at fault.  He perceived that it went deeper than even fate would have gone; he could have fulfilled an evil destiny and had done with it, however terrible.  His trouble was that he could not escape from himself; and, for the most part, he justified himself in refusing to try.  After he had come to that distinct understanding with Alma Leighton, and experienced the relief it really gave him, he thought for a while that if it had fallen out otherwise, and she had put him in charge of her destiny, he might have been better able to manage his own.  But as it was, he could only drift, and let all other things take their course.  It was necessary that he should go to see her afterward, to show her that he was equal to the event; but he did not go so often, and he went rather oftener to the Dryfooses; it was not easy to see Margaret Vance, except on the society terms.  With much sneering and scorning, he fulfilled the duties to Mrs. Horn without which he knew he should be dropped from her list; but one might go to many of her Thursdays without getting many words with her niece.  Beaton hardly knew whether he wanted many; the girl kept the charm of her innocent stylishness; but latterly she wanted to talk more about social questions than about the psychical problems that young people usually debate so personally.  Son of the working-people as he was, Beaton had never cared anything about such matters; he did not know

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Hazard of New Fortunes, a — Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.