‘The Countess of Lyndon!’ said poor Ulick; ’well, that is a wonder.  I myself have been mightily sweet upon a young lady, one of the Kiljoys of Ballyhack, who has ten thousand pounds to her fortune, and to whom her Ladyship is guardian; but how is a poor fellow without a coat to his back to get on with an heiress in such company as that?  I might as well propose for the Countess myself.’

‘You had better not,’ said I, laughing; ’the man who tries runs a chance of going out of the world first.’  And I explained to him my own intention regarding Lady Lyndon.  Honest Ulick, whose respect for me was prodigious when he saw how splendid my appearance was, and heard how wonderful my adventures and great my experience of fashionable life had been, was lost in admiration of my daring and energy, when I confided to him my intention of marrying the greatest heiress in England.

I bade Ulick go out of town on any pretext he chose, and put a letter into a post-office near Castle Lyndon, which I prepared in a feigned hand, and in which I gave a solemn warning to Lord George Poynings to quit the country; saying that the great prize was never meant for the likes of him, and that there were heiresses enough in England, without coming to rob them out of the domains of Captain Fireball.  The letter was written on a dirty piece of paper, in the worst of spelling:  it came to my Lord by the post-conveyance, and, being a high-spirited young man, he of course laughed at it.

As ill-luck would have it for him, he appeared in Dublin a very short time afterwards; was introduced to the Chevalier Redmond Barry, at the Lord Lieutenant’s table; adjourned with him and several other gentlemen to the club at ‘Daly’s,’ and there, in a dispute about the pedigree of a horse, in which everybody said I was in the right, words arose, and a meeting was the consequence.  I had had no affair in Dublin since my arrival, and people were anxious to see whether I was equal to my reputation.  I make no boast about these matters, but always do them when the time comes; and poor Lord George, who had a neat hand and a quick eye enough, but was bred in the clumsy English school, only stood before my point until I had determined where I should hit him.

My sword went in under his guard, and came out at his back.  When he fell, he good-naturedly extended his hand to me, and said, ’Mr. Barry, I was wrong!’ I felt not very well at ease when the poor fellow made this confession:  for the dispute had been of my making, and, to tell the truth, I had never intended it should end in any other way than a meeting.

He lay on his bed for four months with the effects of that wound; and the same post which conveyed to Lady Lyndon the news of the duel, carried her a message from Captain Fireball to say, ’This is number one!’

‘You, Ulick,’ said I, ‘shall be number two.’

‘’Faith,’ said my cousin, ‘one’s enough:’  But I had my plan regarding him, and determined at once to benefit this honest fellow, and to forward my own designs upon the widow.