“If you reduce it to a mere question of avoirdupois, please be so good as to remember that even greater differences exist among men.  For instance, your brain (which is certainly not considered over average) weighs from three to three and a half pounds, while Cuvier’s brain weighed over four pounds, giving him the advantage of more than eight ounces over our household oracle!  Accidental difference in brain weight proves nothing; for you will not admit your mental inferiority to any man, simply because his head requires a larger hat than yours.”

“Pardon me, I always bow before facts, no matter how unflattering, and I consider one of Cuvier’s ideas worthy of just exactly eight degrees more of reverence than any phosphorescent sparkle which I might choose to hold up for public acceptance and guidance.  Without doubt, the most thoroughly ludicrous scene I ever witnessed was furnished by a ‘woman’s rights’ meeting,’ which I looked in upon one night in New York, as I returned from Europe.  The speaker was a raw-boned, wiry, angular, short-haired, lemon-visaged female of very certain age; with a hand like a bronze gauntlet, and a voice as distracting as the shrill squeak of a cracked cornet-a-piston.  Over the wrongs and grievances of her down-trodden, writhing sisterhood she ranted and raved and howled, gesticulating the while with a marvelous grace, which I can compare only to the antics of those inspired goats who strayed too near the Pythian cave, and were thrown into convulsions.  Though I pulled my hat over my eyes and clapped both hands to my ears, as I rushed out of the hall after a stay of five minutes, the vision of horror followed me, and for the first and only time in my life, I had such a hideous nightmare that night, that the man who slept in the next room broke open my door to ascertain who was strangling me.  Of all my pet aversions my most supreme abhorrence is of what are denominated ‘gifted women’; strong-minded (that is, weak-brained but loud-tongued), would-be literary females, who, puffed up with insufferable conceit, imagine they rise to the dignity and height of man’s intellect, proclaim that their ‘mission’ is to write or lecture, and set themselves up as shining female lights, each aspiring to the rank of protomartyr of reform.  Heaven grant us a Bellerophon to relieve the age of these noisy Amazons!  I should really enjoy seeing them tied down to their spinning-wheels, and gagged with their own books, magazines, and lectures!  When I was abroad and contrasted the land of my birth with those I visited, the only thing for which, as an American, I felt myself called on to blush, was my country-women.  An insolent young count who had traveled through the Eastern and Northern States of America, asked me one day in Berlin, if it were really true that the male editors, lawyers, doctors and lecturers in the United States were contemplating a hegira, in consequence of the rough elbowing by the women, and if I could inform him at what age the New England girls generally commenced writing learned articles, and affixing LL.D., F.E.S., F.S.A., and M.M.S.S. to their signature?”