‘To myself,’ pursued Godwin, with the modulated, moving voice which always expressed his genuine feeling, ’I seem anything but lovable.  I don’t underrate my powers—­rather the opposite, no doubt; but what I always seem to lack is the gift of pleasing—­moral grace.  My strongest emotions seem to be absorbed in revolt; for once that I feel tenderly, I have a hundred fierce, resentful, tempestuous moods.  To be suave and smiling in common intercourse costs me an effort.  I have to act the part, and this habit makes me sceptical, whenever I am really prompted to gentleness.  I criticise myself ceaselessly; expose without mercy all those characteristics which another man would keep out of sight.  Yes, and for this very reason, just because I think myself unlovable—­the gift of love means far more to me than to other men.  If you could conceive the passion of gratitude which possessed me for hours after I left you the other day!  You cannot!’

Sidwell regarded him fixedly.

’In comparison with this sincerity, what becomes of the pretence you blame in me?  If you knew how paltry it seems—­that accusation of dishonesty!  I believed the world round, and pretended to believe it flat:  that’s what it amounts to!  Are you, on such an account as that, to consider worthless the devotion which has grown in me month by month?  You—­I was persuaded—­thought the world flat, and couldn’t think kindly of any man who held the other hypothesis.  Very well; why not concede the trifle, and so at least give myself a chance?  I did so—­that was all.’

In vain her conscience strove to assert itself.  She was under the spell of a nature infinitely stronger than hers; she saw and felt as Godwin did.

’You think, Sidwell, that I stand in need of forgiveness.  Then be great enough to forgive me, wholly—­once and for all.  Let your love be strengthened by the trial it has passed through.  That will mean that my whole life is yours, directed by the ever-present thought of your beauty, face and soul.  Then there will be good in me, thanks to you.  I shall no longer live a life of hypocrisy, of suppressed rage and scorn.  I know how much I am asking; perhaps it means that for my sake you give up everything else that is dear to you’——­

The thought checked him.  He looked at her despondently.

‘You can trust me,’ Sidwell answered, moving nearer to him, tears on her cheeks.  ‘I must hear from you, and I will write.’

‘I can ask no more than that.’

He took her hands, held them for a moment, and turned away.  At the door he looked round.  Sidwell’s head was bowed, and, on her raising it, he saw that she was blinded with tears.

So he went forth.

Part VI

CHAPTER I