the past engagement, and the ladies are chilled, and
your wife puts you the pungent question: ‘Did
you avoid politics, Con?’ in the awful solitude
of domestic life after a party. Now, if only there
had been freedom of discourse during the dinner hour,
the ten disembarrassed minutes allotted to close it
would have afforded time sufficient for hearty finishing
blows and a soothing word or so to dear old innocent
Mr. Rumford, and perhaps a kindly clap of the shoulder
to John Mattock, no bad fellow at bottom. Rockney
too was no bad fellow in his way. He wanted no
more than a beating and a thrashing. He was a
journalist, a hard-headed rascal, none of your good
old-fashioned order of regimental scribes who take
their cue from their colonel, and march this way and
that, right about face, with as little impediment of
principles to hamper their twists and turns as the
straw he tosses aloft at midnight to spy the drift
of the wind to-morrow. Quite the contrary; Rockney
was his own colonel; he pretended to think independently,
and tried to be the statesman of a leading article,
and showed his intention to stem the current of liberty,
and was entirely deficient in sympathy with the oppressed,
a fanatical advocate of force; he was an inveterate
Saxon, good-hearted and in great need of a drubbing.
Certain lines Rockney had written of late about Irish
affairs recurred to Captain Con, and the political
fires leaped in him; he sparkled and said: ’Let
me beg you to pass the claret over to Mr. Rockney,
Mr. Rumford; I warrant it for the circulating medium
of amity, if he’ll try it.’
‘’Tis the Comet Margaux,’ said Dr.
Forbery, topping anything Rockney might have had to
say, and anything would have served. The latter
clasped the decanter, poured and drank in silence.
‘’Tis the doctor’s antidote, and
best for being antedated,’ Captain Con rapped
his friend’s knuckles.
‘As long as you’re contented with not
dating in double numbers,’ retorted the doctor,
absolutely scattering the precious minutes to the winds,
for he hated a provocation.
‘There’s a golden mean, is there!’
’There is; there’s a way between magnums
of good wine and gout, and it’s generally discovered
too late.’
’At the physician’s door, then! where
the golden mean is generally discovered to be his
fee. I’ve heard of poor souls packed off
by him without an obolus to cross the ferry.
Stripped they were in all conscience.’
’You remind me of a fellow in Dublin who called
on me for medical advice, and found he’d forgotten
his purse. He offered to execute a deed to bequeath
me his body, naked and not ashamed.’
’You’d a right to cut him up at once,
Forbery. Any Jury ’d have pronounced him
guilty of giving up the ghost before he called.’
‘I let him go, body and all. I never saw
him again.’
’The fellow was not a lunatic. As for your
golden mean, there’s a saying: Prevention
is better than cure: and another that caps it:
Drink deep or taste not.’