And you tell me God put it. Do you? Answer
that; for I want to know, and I don’t know where
I am. I am lost! I am lost! I want
to get to my lover. Tell me, Rhoda, you would
curse me if I did. And listen to me. Let
him open his arms to me, I go; I follow him as far
as my feet will bear me. I would go if it lightened
from heaven. If I saw up there the warning, ‘You
shall not!’ I would go. But, look on me!”
she smote contempt upon her bosom. “He would
not call to such a thing as me. Me, now?
My skin is like a toad’s to him. I’ve
become like something in the dust. I could hiss
like adders. I am quite impenitent. I pray
by my bedside, my head on my Bible, but I only say,
‘Yes, yes; that’s done; that’s deserved,
if there’s no mercy.’ Oh, if there
is no mercy, that’s deserved! I say so now.
But this is what I say, Rhoda (I see nothing but blackness
when I pray), and I say, ’Permit no worse!’
I say, ‘Permit no worse, or take the consequences.’
He calls me his wife. I am his wife. And
if—” Dahlia fell to speechless panting;
her mouth was open; she made motion with her hands;
horror, as of a blasphemy struggling to her lips,
kept her dumb, but the prompting passion was indomitable....
“Read it,” said her struggling voice; and
Rhoda bent over the letter, reading and losing thought
of each sentence as it passed. To Dahlia, the
vital words were visible like evanescent blue gravelights.
She saw them rolling through her sister’s mind;
and just upon the conclusion, she gave out, as in
a chaunt: “And I who have sinned against
my innocent darling, will ask her to pray with me that
our future may be one, so that may make good to her
what she has suffered, and to the God whom we worship,
the offence I have committed.”
Rhoda looked up at the pale penetrating eyes.
“Read. Have you read to the last?”
said Dahlia. “Speak it. Let me hear
you. He writes it.... Yes? you will not?
‘Husband,’ he says,” and then she
took up the sentences of the letter backwards to the
beginning, pausing upon each one with a short moan,
and smiting her bosom. “I found it here,
Rhoda. I found his letter here when I came..
I came a dead thing, and it made me spring up alive.
Oh, what bliss to be dead! I’ve felt nothing...nothing,
for months.” She flung herself on the bed,
thrusting her handkerchief to her mouth to deaden the
outcry. “I’m punished. I’m
punished, because I did not trust to my darling.
No, not for one year! Is it that since we parted?
I am an impatient creature, and he does not reproach
me. I tormented my own, my love, my dear, and
he thought I—I was tired of our life together.
No; he does not accuse me,” Dahlia replied to
her sister’s unspoken feeling, with the shrewd
divination which is passion’s breathing space.
“He accuses himself. He says it—utters
it—speaks it ‘I sold my beloved.’
There is no guile in him. Oh, be just to us,
Rhoda! Dearest,” she came to Rhoda’s
side, “you did deceive me, did you not?
You are a deceiver, my love?”