Mrs. Chump gave the motion of a lightning scrawl of the pen.  Braintop looked at the paper, which now appeared to recede from his eyes, and flourish like a descending kite.  The nature of the task he had undertaken became mountainous in his imagination, till at last he fixed his forehead in his thumbs and fingers, and resolutely counted a number of meaningless words one hundred times.  As this was the attitude of a severe student, Mrs. Chump remained in expectation.  Aware of the fearful confidence he had excited in her, Braintop fell upon a fresh hundred, with variations.

“The truth is, I think better in church,” he said, disclosing at last as ingenuous a face as he could assume.  He scarcely ventured to hope for a second dismissal.

To his joy, Mrs. Chump responded with a sigh:  “There, go again; and the Lord forgive ye for directin’ your mind to temporal matters when ye’re there!  It’s none of my doin’, remember that; and don’t be tryin’ to make me a partic’pator in your wickudness.”

“This is so difficult, ma’am, because you won’t begin with Dear,” he observed snappishly, as he was retiring.

“Of coorse it’s difficult if it bothers me,” retorted Mrs. Chump, divided between that view of the case and contempt of Braintop for being on her own level.

“Do you see, we are not to say ‘Dear’ anything, or ‘Ladies,’ or—­in short, really, if you come to think, ma’am!”

“Is that a woman’s business, Mr. Braintop?” said Mrs. Chump, as from a height; and the youth retired in humiliation.

Braintop was not destitute of the ambition of his time of life, and yearned to be what he believed himself—­something better than a clerk.  If he had put forth no effort to compose Mrs. Chump’s letter, he would not have felt that he was the partner of her stupidity; but he had thoughtlessly attempted the impossible thing, and now, contemplating his utter failure, he was in so low a state of mind that he would have taken pen and written himself down, with ordinary honesty, good-for-nothing.  He returned to his task, and found the dinner spread.  Mrs. Chump gave him champagne, and drank to him, requesting him to challenge her.  “We won’t be beaten,” she said; and at least they dined.

The ‘we’ smote Braintop’s swelling vanity.  It signified an alliance, and that they were yoked to a common difficulty.

“Oh! let’s finish it and have it over,” he remarked, with a complacent roll in his chair.

“Naver stop a good impulse,” said Mrs. Chump, herself removing the lamp to light him.

Braintop sat in the chair of torture, and wrote flowingly, while his taskmistress looked over him, “Ladies of Brookfield.”  He read it out:  “Ladies of Brookfield.”

“I’ll be vary happy to represent ye at the forthcomin’ ’lection,” Mrs. Chump gave a continuation in his tone.

“Why, won’t that do, ma’am?” Braintop asked in wonderment.

“Cap’tal for a circular, Mr. Braintop.  And ye’ll allow me to say that I don’t think ye’ve been to church at all.”