CHAPTER XVIII

Meantime Wilfrid was leading a town-life and occasionally visiting Stornley.  He was certainly not in love with Lady Charlotte Chillingworth, but he was in harness to that lady.  In love we have some idea whither we would go:  in harness we are simply driven, and the destination may be anywhere.  To be reduced to this condition (which will happen now and then in the case of very young men who are growing up to something, and is, if a momentary shame to them, rather a sign of promise than not) the gentle male need not be deeply fascinated.  Lady Charlotte was not a fascinating person.  She did not lay herself out to attract.  Had she done so, she would have failed to catch Wilfrid, whose soul thirsted for poetical refinement and filmy delicacies in a woman.  What she had, and what he knew that he wanted, and could only at intervals assume by acting as if he possessed it, was a victorious aplomb, which gave her a sort of gallant glory in his sight.  He could act it well before his sisters, and here and there a damsel; and coming fresh from Lady Charlotte’s school, he had recently done so with success, and had seen the ladies feel toward him, as he felt under his instructress in the art.  Some nature, however, is required for every piece of art.  Wilfrid knew that he had been brutal in his representation of the part, and the retrospect of his conduct at Brookfield did not satisfy his remorseless critical judgement.  In consequence, when he again saw Lady Charlotte, his admiration of that one prized characteristic of hers paralyzed him.  She looked, and moved, and spoke, as if the earth were her own.  She was a note of true music, and he felt himself to be an indecisive chord; capable ultimately of a splendid performance, it might be, but at present crying out to be played upon.  This is the condition of a man in harness, whom witlings may call what they will.  He is subjugated:  not won.  In this state of subjugation he will joyfully sacrifice as much as a man in love.  For, having no consolatory sense of happiness, such as encircles and makes a nest for lovers, he seeks to attain some stature, at least, by excesses of apparent devotion.  Lady Charlotte believed herself beloved at last.  She was about to strike thirty; and Rumour, stalking with a turban of cloud on her head,—­enough that this shocking old celestial dowager, from condemnation had passed to pity of the dashing lady.  Beloved at last!  After a while there is no question of our loving; but we thirst for love, if we have not had it.  The key of Lady Charlotte will come in the course of events.  She was at the doubtful hour of her life, a warm-hearted woman, known to be so by few, generally consigned by devout-visaged Scandal (for who save the devout will dare to sit in the chair of judgement?) as a hopeless rebel against conventional laws; and worse than that, far worse,—­though what, is not said.