(Bloom holds his high grade hat over his genital organs.)

Dr Madden:  Hypsospadia is also marked.  In the interest of coming generations I suggest that the parts affected should be preserved in spirits of wine in the national teratological museum.

Dr Crotthers:  I have examined the patient’s urine.  It is albuminoid.  Salivation is insufficient, the patellar reflex intermittent.

Dr punch Costello:  The fetor JUDAICUS is most perceptible.

Dr Dixon:  (Reads A bill of health) Professor Bloom is a finished example of the new womanly man.  His moral nature is simple and lovable.  Many have found him a dear man, a dear person.  He is a rather quaint fellow on the whole, coy though not feebleminded in the medical sense.  He has written a really beautiful letter, a poem in itself, to the court missionary of the Reformed Priests’ Protection Society which clears up everything.  He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw litter and eats the most Spartan food, cold dried grocer’s peas.  He wears a hairshirt of pure Irish manufacture winter and summer and scourges himself every Saturday.  He was, I understand, at one time a firstclass misdemeanant in Glencree reformatory.  Another report states that he was a very posthumous child.  I appeal for clemency in the name of the most sacred word our vocal organs have ever been called upon to speak.  He is about to have a baby.

(General commotion and compassion.  Women faint.  A wealthy American makes A street collection for bloom.  Gold and silver coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury Bonds, maturing bills of exchange, I. O. U’S, wedding rings, WATCHCHAINS, LOCKETS, necklaces and bracelets are rapidly collected.)

Bloom:  O, I so want to be a mother.

Mrs Thornton:  (In NURSETENDER’S gown) Embrace me tight, dear.  You’ll be soon over it.  Tight, dear.

(Bloom embraces her tightly and bears eight male yellow and white
children.  They appear on A REDCARPETED staircase adorned with expensive
plants.  All the OCTUPLETS are handsome, with valuable metallic faces,
WELLMADE, respectably dressed and WELLCONDUCTED, speaking five modern
languages fluently and interested