(Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by
stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening
their veins, refusing food, casting themselves under STEAMROLLERS, from
the top of Nelson’s pillar, into the great vat of Guinness’s brewery,
ASPHYXIATING themselves by placing their heads in GASOVENS, hanging
themselves in stylish garters, leaping from windows of different
Storeys.)

Alexander J Dowie:  (Violently) Fellowchristians and antiBloomites, the man called Bloom is from the roots of hell, a disgrace to christian men.  A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery, recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam.  This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the white bull mentioned in the Apocalypse.  A worshipper of the Scarlet Woman, intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils.  The stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him.  Caliban!

The mob:  Lynch him!  Roast him!  He’s as bad as Parnell was.  Mr Fox!

(Mother Grogan throws her boot at bloom.  Several shopkeepers from upper
and lower Dorset street throw objects of little or no commercial value,
HAMBONES, condensed milk tins, UNSALEABLE cabbage, stale bread, sheep’s
tails, odd pieces of fat.)

Bloom:  (Excitedly) This is midsummer madness, some ghastly joke again.  By heaven, I am guiltless as the unsunned snow!  It was my brother Henry.  He is my double.  He lives in number 2 Dolphin’s Barn.  Slander, the viper, has wrongfully accused me.  Fellowcountrymen, SGENL inn Ban Bata COISDE gan CAPALL.  I call on my old friend, Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to give medical testimony on my behalf.

Dr Mulligan:  (In motor Jerkin, green MOTORGOGGLES on his brow) Dr Bloom is bisexually abnormal.  He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace’s private asylum for demented gentlemen.  Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present, the consequence of unbridled lust.  Traces of elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants.  There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism.  Ambidexterity is also latent.  He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake, and has metal teeth.  In consequence of a family complex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe him to be more sinned against than sinning.  I have made a pervaginal examination and, after application of the acid test to 5427 anal, axillary, pectoral and pubic hairs, I declare him to be Virgo INTACTA.