(An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk.)

Jimmy Henry:  The Court of Conscience is now open.  His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer open air justice.  Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems.  All cordially invited.  Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year I of the Paradisiacal Era.

Paddy Leonard:  What am I to do about my rates and taxes?

Bloom:  Pay them, my friend.

Paddy Leonard:  Thank you.

Nosey Flynn:  Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?

Bloom:  (Obdurately) Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds.

J. J. O’MOLLOY:  A Daniel did I say?  Nay!  A Peter O’Brien!

Nosey Flynn:  Where do I draw the five pounds?

Pisser Burke:  For bladder trouble?

Bloom: 

    Acid.  Nit.  HYDROCHLOR.  DIL., 20 minims
    tinct.  Nux VOM., 5 minims
    EXTR.  TARAXEL.  IIQ., 30 minims. 
    Aq.  DIS.  Ter in die.

Chris Callinan:  What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of
Aldebaran?

Bloom:  Pleased to hear from you, Chris. K. II.

Joe Hynes:  Why aren’t you in uniform?

Bloom:  When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the
Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours?

Ben dollard:  Pansies?

Bloom:  Embellish (beautify) suburban gardens.

Ben dollard:  When twins arrive?

Bloom:  Father (pater, dad) starts thinking.

Larry O’ROURKE:  An eightday licence for my new premises.  You remember me, sir Leo, when you were in number seven.  I’m sending around a dozen of stout for the missus.

Bloom:  (Coldly) You have the advantage of me.  Lady Bloom accepts no presents.

Crofton:  This is indeed a festivity.

Bloom:  (Solemnly) You call it a festivity.  I call it a sacrament.

Alexander Keyes:  When will we have our own house of keys?

Bloom:  I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten commandments.  New worlds for old.  Union of all, jew, moslem and gentile.  Three acres and a cow for all children of nature.  Saloon motor hearses.  Compulsory manual labour for all.  All parks open to the public day and night.  Electric dishscrubbers.  Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease.  General amnesty, weekly carnival with masked licence, bonuses for all, esperanto the universal language with universal brotherhood.  No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors.  Free money, free rent, free love and a free lay church in a free lay state.