Bloom:  (Indistinctly) University of life.  Bad art.

Beaufoy:  (Shouts) It’s a damnably foul lie, showing the moral rottenness of the man! (He extends his portfolio) We have here damning evidence, the corpus delicti, my lord, a specimen of my maturer work disfigured by the hallmark of the beast.

A voice from the gallery: 

    Moses, Moses, king of the jews,
    Wiped his arse in the Daily News.

Bloom:  (Bravely) Overdrawn.

Beaufoy:  You low cad!  You ought to be ducked in the horsepond, you rotter! (To the court) Why, look at the man’s private life!  Leading a quadruple existence!  Street angel and house devil.  Not fit to be mentioned in mixed society!  The archconspirator of the age!

Bloom:  (To the court) And he, a bachelor, how ...

First watch:  The King versus Bloom.  Call the woman Driscoll.

The Crier:  Mary Driscoll, scullerymaid!

(Mary Driscoll, A slipshod servant girl, approaches.  She has A bucket on
the Crook of her arm and A scouringbrush in her hand.)

Second watch:  Another!  Are you of the unfortunate class?

Mary Driscoll:  (Indignantly) I’m not a bad one.  I bear a respectable character and was four months in my last place.  I was in a situation, six pounds a year and my chances with Fridays out and I had to leave owing to his carryings on.

First watch:  What do you tax him with?

Mary Driscoll:  He made a certain suggestion but I thought more of myself as poor as I am.

Bloom:  (In HOUSEJACKET of RIPPLECLOTH, flannel trousers, heelless slippers, unshaven, his hair rumpled:  Softly) I treated you white.  I gave you mementos, smart emerald garters far above your station.  Incautiously I took your part when you were accused of pilfering.  There’s a medium in all things.  Play cricket.

Mary Driscoll:  (Excitedly) As God is looking down on me this night if ever I laid a hand to them oysters!

First watch:  The offence complained of?  Did something happen?

Mary Driscoll:  He surprised me in the rere of the premises, Your honour, when the missus was out shopping one morning with a request for a safety pin.  He held me and I was discoloured in four places as a result.  And he interfered twict with my clothing.

Bloom:  She counterassaulted.

Mary Driscoll:  (Scornfully) I had more respect for the scouringbrush, so I had.  I remonstrated with him, Your lord, and he remarked:  keep it quiet.