wonder and the doubt of how far the real father would
be the one to whom, with her desire of heaven for
her child, whatever might become of herself, she would
wish to intrust him. Slight speeches, telling
of a selfish, worldly nature, unnoticed at the time,
came back upon her ear, having a new significance.
They told of a low standard, of impatient self-indulgence,
of no acknowledgment of things spiritual and heavenly.
Even while this examination was forced upon her, by
the new spirit of maternity that had entered into
her and made her child’s welfare supreme, she
hated and reproached herself for the necessity there
seemed upon her of examining and judging the absent
father of her child. And so the compelling presence
that had taken possession of her wearied her into
a kind of feverish slumber; in which she dreamt that
the innocent babe that lay by her side in soft ruddy
slumber, had started up into man’s growth, and,
instead of the pure and noble being whom she had prayed
to present as her child to “Our Father in heaven,”
he was a repetition of his father; and, like him,
lured some maiden (who in her dream seemed strangely
like herself, only more utterly sad and desolate even
than she) into sin, and left her there to even a worse
fate than that of suicide. For Ruth believed
there was a worse. She dreamt she saw the girl,
wandering, lost; and that she saw her son in high
places, prosperous—but with more than blood
on his soul. She saw her son dragged down by
the clinging girl into some pit of horrors into which
she dared not look, but from whence his father’s
voice was heard, crying aloud, that in his day and
generation he had not remembered the words of God,
and that now he was “tormented in this flame.”
Then she started in sick terror, and saw, by the dim
rushlight, Sally, nodding in an armchair by the fire;
and felt her little soft warm babe, nestled up against
her breast, rocked by her heart, which yet beat hard
from the effects of the evil dream. She dared
not go to sleep again, but prayed. And, every
time she prayed, she asked with a more complete wisdom,
and a more utter and self-forgetting faith. Little
child! thy angel was with God, and drew her nearer
and nearer to Him, whose face is continually beheld
by the angels of little children.
CHAPTER XVI
SALLY TELLS OF HER SWEETHEARTS, AND DISCOURSES ON THE DUTIES OF
LIFE
Sally and Miss Benson took it in turns to sit up,
or rather, they took it in turns to nod by the fire;
for if Ruth was awake she lay very still in the moonlight
calm of her sick bed. That time resembled a beautiful
August evening, such as I have seen. The white,
snowy rolling mist covers up under its great sheet
all trees and meadows, and tokens of earth; but it
cannot rise high enough to shut out the heavens, which
on such nights seem bending very near, and to be the
only real and present objects; and so near, so real
and present, did heaven, and eternity, and God seem
to Ruth, as she lay encircling her mysterious holy
child.