Lord W. Good God, man—­more than that!  I want to show the people that we stand side by side with them, as we did in the trenches.  The whole thing’s too jolly awful.  I lie awake over it.

     [He walks up and down.]

Press. [Scribbling] One moment, please.  I’ll just get that down—­ “Too jolly awful—­lies awake over it.  Was wearing a white waistcoat with pearl buttons.” [At a sign of resentment from his victim.] I want the human touch, Lord William—­it’s everything in my paper.  What do you say about this attempt to bomb you?

Lord W. Well, in a way I think it’s d—–­d natural

Press. [Scribbling] “Lord William thought it d—–­d natural.”

Lord W. [Overhearing] No, no; don’t put that down.  What I mean is, I should like to get hold of those fellows that are singing the Marseillaise about the streets—­fellows that have been in the war—­ real sports they are, you know—­thorough good chaps at bottom—­and say to them:  “Have a feeling heart, boys; put yourself in my position.”  I don’t believe a bit they’d want to bomb me then.

     [He walks up and down.]

Press. [Scribbling and muttering] “The idea, of brotherhood—­” D’you mind my saying that?  Word brotherhood—­always effective—­always——­

     [He writes.]

Lord E. [Bewildered] “Brotherhood!” Well, it’s pure accident that I’m here and they’re there.  All the same, I can’t pretend to be starving.  Can’t go out into Hyde Park and stand on a tub, can I?  But if I could only show them what I feel—­they’re such good chaps—­ poor devils.

Press.  I quite appreciate! [He writes] “Camel and needle’s eye.”  You were at Eton and Oxford?  Your constituency I know.  Clubs?  But I can get all that.  Is it your view that Christianity is on the up-grade, Lord William?

Lord W. [Dubious] What d’you mean by Christianity—­loving—­kindness and that?  Of course I think that dogma’s got the knock.

     [He walks.]

Press. [Writing] “Lord William thought dogma had got the knock.”  I should like you just to develop your definition of Christianity.  “Loving—­kindness” strikes rather a new note.

Lord W. New?  What about the Sermon on the Mount?

Press. [Writing] “Refers to Sermon on Mount.”  I take it you don’t belong to any Church, Lord William?

Lord W. [Exasperated] Well, really—­I’ve been baptised and that sort of thing.  But look here——­

Press.  Oh! you can trust me—­I shan’t say anything that you’ll regret.  Now, do you consider that a religious revival would help to quiet the country?

Lord W. Well, I think it would be a deuced, good thing if everybody were a bit more kind.

Press.  Ah! [Musing] I feel that your views are strikingly original, Lord William.  If you could just open out on them a little more?  How far would you apply kindness in practice?