“No; not exactly.  I am glad I am so soon to be rid of my vexed, joyless life; but you know it is all a dark mystery; and sometimes, when I recollect how I felt in my childhood, I shrink from the final dissolution.  I have no hopes of a blissful future, such as cheer some people in their last hour.  Of what comes after death I know and believe nothing.  Occasionally I shiver at the thought of annihilation; but if, after all, revelation is true, I have something worse than annihilation to fear.  You know the history of my skepticism; it is the history of hundreds in this age.  The inconsistencies of professing Christians disgusted me.  Perhaps I was wrong to reject the doctrines because of their abuse; but it is too late now for me to consider that.  I narrowly watched the conduct of some of the members of the various churches, and, as I live, Beulah, I have never seen but one who practiced the precepts of Christ.  I concluded she would have been just what she was without religious aids.  One of my mother’s intimate friends was an ostentatious, pharisaical Christian; gave alms, headed charity lists; was remarkably punctual in her attendance at church, and apparently very devout; yet I accidentally found out that she treated a poor seamstress (whom she hired for a paltry sum) in a manner that shocked my ideas of consistency, of common humanity.  The girl was miserably poor, and had aged parents and brothers and sisters dependent on her exertions; but her Christian employer paid her the lowest possible price, and trampled on her feelings as though she had been a brute.  Oh, the hollowness of the religion I saw practiced!  I sneered at everything connected with churches, and heard no more sermons, which seemed only to make hypocrites and pharisees of the congregation.  I have never known but one exception.  Mrs. Asbury is a consistent Christian.  I have watched her, under various circumstances; I have tempted her, in divers ways, to test her, and to-day, skeptic as I am, I admire and revere that noble woman.  If all Christians set an example as pure and bright as hers, there were less infidelity and atheism in the land.  If I had known even half a dozen such I might have had a faith to cheer me in the hour of my struggle.  She used to talk gently to me in days past, but I would not heed her.  She often comes to see me now; and though I do not believe the words of comfort that fall from her lips, still they soothe me; and I love to have her sit near me, that I may look at her sweet, holy face, so full of winning purity.  Beulah, a year ago we talked of these things.  I was then, as now, hopeless of creeds, of truth, but you were sure you would find the truth.  I looked at you eagerly when you came in, knowing I could read the result in your countenance.  Ah, there is no peace written there!  Where is your truth?  Show it to me.”

She twined her thin, hot fingers round Beulah’s cold hand, and spoke in a weary tone.  The orphan’s features twitched an instant, and her old troubled look came back, as she said: