CHAPTER II

THE DEMON OF DOUBT

All my efforts to divine the cause of so unexpected a change were as vain as the questions I had first asked.  Brigitte was ill, and remained obstinately silent.  After an entire day passed in supplication and conjecture, I went out without knowing where I was going.  Passing the Opera, I entered it from mere force of habit.

I could pay no attention to what was going on in the theatre, I was so overwhelmed with grief, so stupefied, that I did not live, so to speak, except in myself, and exterior objects made no impression on my senses.  All my powers were centred on a single thought, and the more I turned it over in my head, the less clearly could I distinguish its meaning.

What obstacle was this that had so suddenly come between us and the realization of our fondest hopes?  If it was merely some ordinary event or even an actual misfortune, such as an accident or the loss of a friend, why that obstinate silence?  After all that Brigitte had done, when our dreams seemed about to be realized, what could be the nature of a secret that destroyed our happiness and could not be confided to me?  What! to conceal it from me!  And yet I could not find it in my heart to suspect her.  The appearance of suspicion revolted me and filled me with horror.  On the other hand, how could I conceive of inconstancy or of caprice in that woman, as I knew her?  I was lost in an abyss of doubt, and I could not discover a gleam of light, the smallest point, on which to base conjecture.

In front of me in the gallery sat a young man whose face was not unknown to me.  As often happens when one is preoccupied, I looked at him without thinking of him as a personal identity or trying to fit a name on him.  Suddenly I recognized him:  it was he who had brought letters to Brigitte from N------.  I arose and started to accost him without thinking what I was doing.  He occupied a place that I could not reach without disturbing a large number of spectators, and I was forced to await the entr’acte.

My first thought was that if any one could enlighten me it was this young man.  He had had several interviews with Madame Pierson in the last few days, and I recalled the fact that she was always much depressed after his visits.  He had seen her the morning of the day she was taken ill.

The letters he brought Brigitte had not been shown me; it was possible that he knew the reason why our departure was delayed.  Perhaps he did not know all the circumstances, but he could doubtless enlighten me as to the contents of those letters, and there was no reason why I should hesitate to question him.  When the curtain fell, I followed him to the foyer; I do not know that he saw me coming, but he hastened away and entered a box.  I determined to wait until he should come out, and stood looking at the box for fifteen minutes.  At last he appeared.  I bowed and approached him.  He hesitated a moment, then turned and disappeared down a stairway.