attention to this circumstance, taking care of my purse,
and becoming mean from a laudable motive; for I only
sought to insure Madam de Warrens some resources against
that catastrophe which I dreaded the approach of.
I feared her creditors would seize her pension or
that it might be discontinued and she reduced to want,
when I foolishly imagined that the trifle I could
save might be of essential service to her; but to
accomplish this, it was necessary I should conceal
what I meant to make a reserve of; for it would have
been an awkward circumstance, while she was perpetually
driven to expedients, to have her know that I hoarded
money. Accordingly, I sought out some hiding-place,
where I laid up a few louis, resolving to augment
this stock from time to time, till a convenient opportunity
to lay it at her feet; but I was so incautious in the
choice of my repositories, that she always discovered
them, and, to convince me that she did so, changed
the louis I had concealed for a larger sum in different
pieces of coin. Ashamed of these discoveries,
I brought back to the common purse my little treasure,
which she never failed to lay out in clothes, or other
things for my use, such as a silver hilted sword,
watch,
etc. Being convinced that I should
never succeed in accumulating money, and that what
I could save would furnish but a very slender resource
against the misfortune I dreaded, made me wish to place
myself in such a situation that I might be enabled
to provide for her, whenever she might chance to be
reduced to want. Unhappily, seeking these resources
on the side of my inclinations, I foolishly determined
to consider music as my principal dependence; and
ideas of harmony rising in my brain, I imagined, that
if placed in a proper situation to profit by them,
I should acquire celebrity, and presently become a
modern Orpheus, whose mystic sounds would attract
all the riches of Peru.
As I began to read music tolerably well, the question
was, how I should learn composition? The difficulty
lay in meeting with a good master, for, with the assistance
of my Rameau alone, I despaired of ever being able
to accomplish it; and, since the departure of M. le
Maitre, there was nobody in Savoy who understood anything
of the principles of harmony.
I am now about to relate another of those inconsequences,
which my life is full of, and which have so frequently
carried me directly from my designs, even when I thought
myself immediately within reach of them. Venture
had spoken to me in very high terms of the Abbe Blanchard,
who had taught him composition; a deserving man, possessed
of great talents, who was music-master to the cathedral
at Besancon, and is now in that capacity at the Chapel
of Versailles. I therefore determined to go to
Besancon, and take some lessons from the Abbe Blanchard,
and the idea appeared so rational to me, that I soon
made Madam de Warrens of the same opinion, who immediately
set about the preparations for my journey, in the