..........................

We have had here several good repartees of Duke Bernard von Weimar.  One day a young Frenchman asked him, “How happened it that you lost the battle?”—­“I will tell you, sir,” replied the Duke, coolly; “I thought I should win it, and so I lost it.  But,” he said, turning himself slowly round, “who is the fool that asked me this question?”

Father Joseph was in great favour with Cardinal Richelieu, and was consulted by him on all occasions.  One day, when the Cardinal had summoned Duke Bernard to the Council, Father Joseph, running his finger over a map, said, “Monsieur, you must first take this city; then that, and then that.”  The Duke Bernard listened to him for some time, and at length said, “But, Monsieur Joseph, you cannot take cities with your finger.”  This story always made the King laugh heartily.

..........................

M. de Brancas was very deeply in love with the lady whom he married.  On his wedding-day he went to take a bath, and was afterwards going to bed at the bath-house.  “Why are you going to bed here, sir?” said his valet de chambre; “do you not mean to go to your wife?”—­“I had quite forgotten,” he replied.  He was the Queen-mother’s chevalier d’honneur.  One day, while she was at church, Brancas forgot that the Queen was kneeling before him, for as her back was very round, her head could hardly be seen when she hung it down.  He took her for a prie-dieu, and knelt down upon her, putting his elbows upon her shoulders.  The Queen was of course not a little surprised to find her chevalier d’honneur upon her back, and all the bystanders were ready to die with laughing.

Dr. Chirac was once called to see a lady, and, while he was in her bedchamber, he heard that the price of stock had considerably decreased.  As he happened to be a large holder of the Mississippi Bonds, he was alarmed at the news; and being seated near the patient, whose pulse he was feeling, he said with a deep sigh, “Ah, good God! they keep sinking, sinking, sinking!” The poor sick lady hearing this, uttered a loud shriek; the people ran to her immediately.  “Ah,” said she, “I shall die; M. de Chirac has just said three times, as he felt my pulse, ’They keep sinking!’” The Doctor recovered himself soon, and said, “You dream; your pulse is very healthy, and you are very well.  I was thinking of the Mississippi stocks, upon which I lose my money, because their price sinks.”  This explanation satisfied the sick lady.

The Duc de Sully was subject to frequent fits of abstraction.  One day, having dressed himself to go to church, he forgot nothing but his breeches.  This was in the winter; when he entered the church, he said, “Mon Dieu, it is very cold to-day.”  The persons present said, “Not colder than usual!”—­“Then I am in a fever,” he said.  Some one suggested that he had perhaps not dressed himself so warmly as usual, and, opening his coat, the cause of his being cold was very apparent.