These words were like so many daggers plunged into my breast.  In my disgrace, I experienced as much grief as I had before joy on being received into her favour and confidence.  I did not omit to say everything to convince her of my entire ignorance of what my brother had told her.  I said it was a matter I had never heard mentioned before; and that, had I known it, I should certainly have made her immediately acquainted with it.  All I said was to no purpose; my brother’s words had made the first impression; they were constantly present in her mind, and outweighed probability and truth.  When I discovered this, I told her that I felt less uneasiness at being deprived of my happiness than I did joy when I had acquired it; for my brother had taken it from me, as he had given it.  He had given it without reason; he had taken it away without cause.  He had praised me for discretion and prudence when I did not merit it, and he suspected my fidelity on grounds wholly imaginary and fictitious.  I concluded with assuring her that I should never forget my brother’s behaviour on this occasion.

Hereupon she flew into a passion and commanded me not to make the least show of resentment at his behaviour.  From that hour she gradually withdrew her favour from me.  Her son became the god of her idolatry, at the shrine of whose will she sacrificed everything.

The grief which I inwardly felt was very great and overpowered all my faculties, until it wrought so far on my constitution as to contribute to my receiving the infection which then prevailed in the army.  A few days after I fell sick of a raging fever, attended with purple spots, a malady which carried off numbers, and, amongst the rest, the two principal physicians belonging to the King and Queen, Chappelain and Castelan.  Indeed, few got over the disorder after being attacked with it.

In this extremity the Queen my mother, who partly guessed the cause of my illness, omitted nothing that might serve to remove it; and, without fear of consequences, visited me frequently.  Her goodness contributed much to my recovery; but my brother’s hypocrisy was sufficient to destroy all the benefit I received from her attention, after having been guilty of so treacherous a proceeding.  After he had proved so ungrateful to me, he came and sat at the foot of my bed from morning to night, and appeared as anxiously attentive as if we had been the most perfect friends.  My mouth was shut up by the command I had received from the Queen our mother, so that I only answered his dissembled concern with sighs, like Burrus in the presence of Nero, when he was dying by the poison administered by the hands of that tyrant.  The sighs, however, which I vented in my brother’s presence, might convince him that I attributed my sickness rather to his ill offices than to the prevailing contagion.