Higgins.  Not your part of it.  I’ve picked up a girl.

Mrs. Higgins.  Does that mean that some girl has picked you up?

Higgins.  Not at all.  I don’t mean a love affair.

Mrs. Higgins.  What a pity!

Higgins.  Why?

Mrs. Higgins.  Well, you never fall in love with anyone under forty-five.  When will you discover that there are some rather nice-looking young women about?

Higgins.  Oh, I can’t be bothered with young women.  My idea of a loveable woman is something as like you as possible.  I shall never get into the way of seriously liking young women:  some habits lie too deep to be changed. [Rising abruptly and walking about, jingling his money and his keys in his trouser pockets] Besides, they’re all idiots.

Mrs. Higgins.  Do you know what you would do if you really loved me, Henry?

Higgins.  Oh bother!  What?  Marry, I suppose?

Mrs. Higgins.  No.  Stop fidgeting and take your hands out of your pockets. [With a gesture of despair, he obeys and sits down again].  That’s a good boy.  Now tell me about the girl.

Higgins.  She’s coming to see you.

Mrs. Higgins.  I don’t remember asking her.

Higgins.  You didn’t.  I asked her.  If you’d known her you wouldn’t have asked her.

Mrs. Higgins.  Indeed!  Why?

Higgins.  Well, it’s like this.  She’s a common flower girl.  I picked her off the kerbstone.

Mrs. Higgins.  And invited her to my at-home!

Higgins [rising and coming to her to coax her] Oh, that’ll be all right.  I’ve taught her to speak properly; and she has strict orders as to her behavior.  She’s to keep to two subjects:  the weather and everybody’s health—­Fine day and How do you do, you know—­and not to let herself go on things in general.  That will be safe.

Mrs. Higgins.  Safe!  To talk about our health! about our insides! perhaps about our outsides!  How could you be so silly, Henry?

Higgins [impatiently] Well, she must talk about something. [He controls himself and sits down again].  Oh, she’ll be all right:  don’t you fuss.  Pickering is in it with me.  I’ve a sort of bet on that I’ll pass her off as a duchess in six months.  I started on her some months ago; and she’s getting on like a house on fire.  I shall win my bet.  She has a quick ear; and she’s been easier to teach than my middle-class pupils because she’s had to learn a complete new language.  She talks English almost as you talk French.

Mrs. Higgins.  That’s satisfactory, at all events.

Higgins.  Well, it is and it isn’t.

Mrs. Higgins.  What does that mean?

Higgins.  You see, I’ve got her pronunciation all right; but you have to consider not only how a girl pronounces, but what she pronounces; and that’s where—­