Now, as this is the time when the interest of the evening is at its highest pitch, let the melodious strains of the orchestra steal forth as a committee appointed by the managers of lawyers, druggists, doctors, and revenue officers, go around and relieve the audience of the price of admission for each one.  Where one person has no money let it be made up from another, but on no account let the whole sum taken be more than the just amount at usual rates.

As I said before, the characters in the play are purely imaginary, and therefore not to be confounded with real persons.  But lest any one, feeling some of the idiosyncrasies and characteristics apply too forcibly to his own high moral and irreproachable self, should allow his warlike and combative spirits to arise, you might as you go, kind of casually like, produce the impression that I rarely miss my aim with a Colt’s forty-five, but if that does not have the effect of quieting the splenetic individual, and he still thirsts for Bill Slax’s gore, just inform him that if he comes out here he can’t get any whiskey within two days’ journey of my present abode, and water will have to be his only beverage while on the warpath.  This, I am sure, will avert the bloody and direful conflict.

Accept my lasting regards and professions of respect.

Ever yours,
BILL SLAX

TO DR. W. P. BEALL

My Dear Doctor:  I wish you a happy, &c., and all that sort of thing, don’t you know, &c., &c.  I send you a few little productions in the way of poetry, &c, which, of course, were struck off in an idle moment.  Some of the pictures are not good likenesses, and so I have not labelled them, which you may do as fast [as] you discover whom they represent, as some of them resemble others more than themselves, but the poems are good without exception, and will compare favorably with Baron Alfred’s latest on spring.

I have just come from a hunt, in which I mortally wounded a wild hog, and as my boots are full of thorns I can’t write any longer than this paper will contain, for it’s all I’ve got, because I’m too tired to write any more for the reason that I have no news to tell.

I see by the Patriot that you are Superintendent of Public Health, and assure you that all such upward rise as you make like that will ever be witnessed with interest and pleasure by me, &c., &c.  Give my regards to Dr. and Mrs. Hall.  It would be uncomplimentary to your powers of perception as well as superfluous to say that I will now close and remain, yours truly,

W. S. PORTER

LETTER TO DR. W. P. BEALL

LA SALLE COUNTY, Texas, February 27, 1884