of sentimentality in the art itself; what she felt,
and with some justice, was that this particular Magdalen
was unrepentant, and that Ditmar knew it. And
the picture remained an offence to her as long as
she lived. Formerly he had enjoyed the contemplation
of this figure, reminding him, as it did, of mellowed
moments in conquests of the past; suggesting also possibilities
of the future. For he had been quick to discount
the attitude of bowed despair, the sop flung by a
sensuous artist to Christian orthodoxy. He had
been sceptical about despair—feminine despair,
which could always be cured by gifts and baubles.
But to-night, as he raised his eyes, he felt a queer
sensation marring the ecstatic perfection of his mood.
That quality in the picture which so long had satisfied
and entranced him had now become repellent, an ugly
significant reflection of something —something
in himself he was suddenly eager to repudiate and deny.
It was with a certain amazement that he found himself
on his feet with the picture in his hand, gazing at
the empty space where it had hung. For he had
had no apparent intention of obeying that impulse.
What should he do with it? Light the fire and
burn it—frame and all? The frame was
an integral part of it. What would his housekeeper
say? But now that he had actually removed it
from the wall he could not replace it, so he opened
the closet door and thrust it into a corner among relics
which had found refuge there. He had put his
past in the closet; yet the relief he felt was mingled
with the peculiar qualm that follows the discovery
of symptoms never before remarked. Why should
this woman have this extraordinary effect of making
him dissatisfied with himself? He sat down again
and tried to review the affair from that first day
when he had surprised in her eyes the flame dwelling
in her. She had completely upset his life, increasingly
distracted his mind until now he could imagine no
peace unless he possessed her. Hitherto he had
recognized in his feeling for her nothing but that
same desire he had had for other women, intensified
to a degree never before experienced. But this
sudden access of morality—he did not actually
define it as such—was disquieting.
And in the feverish, semi-objective survey he was
now making of his emotional tract he was discovering
the presence of other disturbing symptoms such as
an unwonted tenderness, a consideration almost amounting
to pity which at times he had vaguely sensed yet never
sought imaginatively to grasp. It bewildered
him by hampering a ruthlessness hitherto absolute.
The fierceness of her inflamed his passion, yet he
recognized dimly behind this fierceness an instinct
of self-protection—and he thought of her
in this moment as a struggling bird that fluttered
out of his hands when they were ready to close over
her. So it had been to-night. He might have
kept her, prevented her from taking the car. Yet
he had let her go! There came again, utterly
to blot this out, the memory of her lips.