at present in another state:  the conditions of age but too much put me in mind, urge me to wisdom, and preach to me.  From the excess of sprightliness I am fallen into that of severity, which is much more troublesome; and for that reason I now and then suffer myself purposely a little to run into disorder, and occupy my mind in wanton and youthful thoughts, wherewith it diverts itself.  I am of late but too reserved, too heavy, and too ripe; years every day read to me lectures of coldness and temperance.  This body of mine avoids disorder and dreads it; ’tis now my body’s turn to guide my mind towards reformation; it governs, in turn, and more rudely and imperiously than the other; it lets me not an hour alone, sleeping or waking, but is always preaching to me death, patience, and repentance.  I now defend myself from temperance, as I have formerly done from pleasure; it draws me too much back, and even to stupidity.  Now I will be master of myself, to all intents and purposes; wisdom has its excesses, and has no less need of moderation than folly.  Therefore, lest I should wither, dry up, and overcharge myself with prudence, in the intervals and truces my infirmities allow me: 

“Mens intenta suis ne seit usque malis.”

["That my mind may not eternally be intent upon my ills.” 
—­Ovid., Trist., iv. i, 4.]

I gently turn aside, and avert my eyes from the stormy and cloudy sky I have before me, which, thanks be to God, I regard without fear, but not without meditation and study, and amuse myself in the remembrance of my better years: 

                          “Animus quo perdidit, optat,
               Atque in praeterita se totus imagine versat.”

["The mind wishes to have what it has lost, and throws itself
wholly into memories of the past.”—­Petronius, c. 128.]

Let childhood look forward and age backward; was not this the signification of Janus’ double face?  Let years draw me along if they will, but it shall be backward; as long as my eyes can discern the pleasant season expired, I shall now and then turn them that way; though it escape from my blood and veins, I shall not, however, root the image of it out of my memory: 

                                        “Hoc est
                    Vivere bis, vita posse priore frui.”

     ["’Tis to live twice to be able to enjoy one’s former life again.” 
     —­Martial, x. 23, 7.]

Plato ordains that old men should be present at the exercises, dances, and sports of young people, that they may rejoice in others for the activity and beauty of body which is no more in themselves, and call to mind the grace and comeliness of that flourishing age; and wills that in these recreations the honour of the prize should be given to that young man who has most diverted the company.  I was formerly wont to mark cloudy and gloomy days as extraordinary; these are now my ordinary days; the extraordinary are the