A servant of mine whom I employed to transcribe for
me, thought he had got a prize by stealing several
pieces from me, wherewith he was best pleased; but
it is my comfort that he will be no greater a gainer
than I shall be a loser by the theft. I am grown
older by seven or eight years since I began; nor has
it been without same new acquisition: I have,
in that time, by the liberality of years, been acquainted
with the stone: their commerce and long converse
do not well pass away without some such inconvenience.
I could have been glad that of other infirmities
age has to present long-lived men withal, it had chosen
some one that would have been more welcome to me, for
it could not possibly have laid upon me a disease
for which, even from my infancy, I have had so great
a horror; and it is, in truth, of all the accidents
of old age, that of which I have ever been most afraid.
I have often thought with myself that I went on too
far, and that in so long a voyage I should at last
run myself into some disadvantage; I perceived, and
have often enough declared, that it was time to depart,
and that life should be cut off in the sound and living
part, according to the surgeon’s rule in amputations;
and that nature made him pay very strict usury who
did not in due time pay the principal. And yet
I was so far from being ready, that in the eighteen
months’ time or thereabout that I have been
in this uneasy condition, I have so inured myself to
it as to be content to live on in it; and have found
wherein to comfort myself, and to hope: so much
are men enslaved to their miserable being, that there
is no condition so wretched they will not accept,
provided they may live! Hear Maecenas:
“Debilem
facito manu,
Debilem
pede, coxa,
Lubricos
quate dentes;
Vita
dum superest, bene est.”
["Cripple my hand, foot,
hip; shake out my loose teeth: while
there’s life,
’tis well.”—Apud Seneca, Ep.,
101.]
And Tamerlane, with a foolish humanity, palliated
the fantastic cruelty he exercised upon lepers, when
he put all he could hear of to death, to deliver them,
as he pretended, from the painful life they lived.
For there was not one of them who would not rather
have been thrice a leper than be not. And Antisthenes
the Stoic, being very sick, and crying out, “Who
will deliver me from these evils?” Diogenes,
who had come to visit him, “This,” said
he, presenting him a knife, “soon enough, if
thou wilt.”—“I do not mean
from my life,” he replied, “but from my
sufferings.” The sufferings that only attack
the mind, I am not so sensible of as most other men;
and this partly out of judgment, for the world looks
upon several things as dreadful or to be avoided at
the expense of life, that are almost indifferent to
me: partly, through a dull and insensible complexion
I have in accidents which do not point-blank hit me;