knew discreetly to connive at this and other truantries
of the same nature; for by this means I ran through
Virgil’s AEneid, and then Terence, and then Plautus,
and then some Italian comedies, allured by the sweetness
of the subject; whereas had he been so foolish as
to have taken me off this diversion, I do really believe,
I had brought away nothing from the college but a
hatred of books, as almost all our young gentlemen
do. But he carried himself very discreetly in
that business, seeming to take no notice, and allowing
me only such time as I could steal from my other regular
studies, which whetted my appetite to devour those
books. For the chief things my father expected
from their endeavours to whom he had delivered me
for education, were affability and good-humour; and,
to say the truth, my manners had no other vice but
sloth and want of metal. The fear was not that
I should do ill, but that I should do nothing; nobody
prognosticated that I should be wicked, but only useless;
they foresaw idleness, but no malice; and I find it
falls out accordingly: The complaints I hear
of myself are these: “He is idle, cold in
the offices of friendship and relation, and in those
of the public, too particular, too disdainful.”
But the most injurious do not say, “Why has
he taken such a thing? Why has he not paid such
an one?” but, “Why does he part with
nothing? Why does he not give?” And I
should take it for a favour that men would expect
from me no greater effects of supererogation than
these. But they are unjust to exact from me what
I do not owe, far more rigorously than they require
from others that which they do owe. In condemning
me to it, they efface the gratification of the action,
and deprive me of the gratitude that would be my due
for it; whereas the active well-doing ought to be
of so much the greater value from my hands, by how
much I have never been passive that way at all.
I can the more freely dispose of my fortune the more
it is mine, and of myself the more I am my own.
Nevertheless, if I were good at setting out my own
actions, I could, peradventure, very well repel these
reproaches, and could give some to understand, that
they are not so much offended, that I do not enough,
as that I am able to do a great deal more than I do.
Yet for all this heavy disposition of mine, my mind, when retired into itself, was not altogether without strong movements, solid and clear judgments about those objects it could comprehend, and could also, without any helps, digest them; but, amongst other things, I do really believe, it had been totally impossible to have made it to submit by violence and force. Shall I here acquaint you with one faculty of my youth? I had great assurance of countenance, and flexibility of voice and gesture, in applying myself to any part I undertook to act: for before—
“Alter ab undecimo tum me vix ceperat annus,”
["I had just entered my twelfth year.”—Virgil, Bucol., 39.]