“Tuppenceas A touchstone.”

Trieste, Nov. 2, 85.

“Can you kindly find space for a few lines on a purely personal matter which is causing me abundant trouble?  A box of circulars giving details concerning my forthcoming version of the Arabian Nights was sent to London with directions to stamp and post the contents.  The envelopes having been inadvertently gummed down, the case was stopped by the Custom-house, and was transmitted to the Post Office where it was found to contain circulars not letters, and of these sundry were forwarded without prepayment.  The pleasant result was that one out-spoken gentleman writes upon the circular, which he returns,—­When you send your trash again, put postage-stamps on.  A second is peremptorily polite, Please forward four stamps to the Adjutant of the —­th Regiment.  The ‘Chaplain of the Forces at ——­,’ at once ironical and severe, ventures to suggest to Captain Burton that it is advisable, if he thinks his book worth selling, to put the postage on future advertisements.  A fourth who, I regret to say, signs himself Lieutenant Colonel, gives me advice about pre-payment written in an orderly’s hand upon a torn envelope (gratuitously insulting!); encloses the 2d. stamp and sends the missive under official cover ‘On Her Majesty’s Service.’  The idea of a French or an Austrian Colonel lowering himself so infinitely low!  Have these men lost all sense of honour, all respect for themselves (and others) because they can no longer be called to account for their insolence more majorum?  I never imagined ‘Tuppence’ to be so cunning a touchstone for detecting and determining the difference between gold and dross; nor can I deeply regret that circumstance and no default of mine has placed in hand Ithuriel’s spear in the shape of the said ’Tuppence’.”

I am, Sir, etc.

Richard F. Burton.

The process of filling-up my list presented a fine and varied study of character; and an extensive experience of subscribers, as well as of non-subscribers, presently enabled me to distribute the genus into the following eight species.  The friendly subscriber who takes ten copies (more or less) forwarding their value.  The gentleman subscriber who pays down his confidingly.  The cautious-canny subscriber who ventures œ5. 5s., or half the price.  The impudent and snobbish subscriber who will address his victim as follows:—­

Sir,

Send me the first volume of your Arabian Nights and if I like it I will perhaps take more.

Yours obediently,

X.Y.Z.

And Cynophron will probably receive for all reply:—­

Sir,

     Send me ten guineas and take one or ten volumes as you please.

Yours obediently, etc.

No. vi. is the fussy and troublesome subscriber who gives more bother than he is worth, and who takes a vicious pride in not paying till pushed to the last point.  The professional subscriber fights hard for the most favourable terms, and holds it his vested right to “part” by dribblers.  And lastly comes the dishonest subscriber who does not pay at all.  I must however, in justice own that species No. viii. is rare:  of one thousand the proportion was only about a score.