I am.  That awful journal gets hold of my imagination and tinges everything with something of its own colour.  Of course it is about Lucy.  That habit came back to the poor dear, and that awful night on the cliff must have made her ill.  I had almost forgotten in my own affairs how ill she was afterwards.  She must have told him of her sleep-walking adventure on the cliff, and that I knew all about it, and now he wants me to tell him what I know, so that he may understand.  I hope I did right in not saying anything of it to Mrs. Westenra.  I should never forgive myself if any act of mine, were it even a negative one, brought harm on poor dear Lucy.  I hope too, Dr. Van Helsing will not blame me.  I have had so much trouble and anxiety of late that I feel I cannot bear more just at present.

I suppose a cry does us all good at times, clears the air as other rain does.  Perhaps it was reading the journal yesterday that upset me, and then Jonathan went away this morning to stay away from me a whole day and night, the first time we have been parted since our marriage.  I do hope the dear fellow will take care of himself, and that nothing will occur to upset him.  It is two o’clock, and the doctor will be here soon now.  I shall say nothing of Jonathan’s journal unless he asks me.  I am so glad I have typewritten out my own journal, so that, in case he asks about Lucy, I can hand it to him.  It will save much questioning.

Later.—­He has come and gone.  Oh, what a strange meeting, and how it all makes my head whirl round.  I feel like one in a dream.  Can it be all possible, or even a part of it?  If I had not read Jonathan’s journal first, I should never have accepted even a possibility.  Poor, poor, dear Jonathan!  How he must have suffered.  Please the good God, all this may not upset him again.  I shall try to save him from it.  But it may be even a consolation and a help to him, terrible though it be and awful in its consequences, to know for certain that his eyes and ears and brain did not deceive him, and that it is all true.  It may be that it is the doubt which haunts him, that when the doubt is removed, no matter which, waking or dreaming, may prove the truth, he will be more satisfied and better able to bear the shock.  Dr. Van Helsing must be a good man as well as a clever one if he is Arthur’s friend and Dr. Seward’s, and if they brought him all the way from Holland to look after Lucy.  I feel from having seen him that he is good and kind and of a noble nature.  When he comes tomorrow I shall ask him about Jonathan.  And then, please God, all this sorrow and anxiety may lead to a good end.  I used to think I would like to practice interviewing.  Jonathan’s friend on “The Exeter News” told him that memory is everything in such work, that you must be able to put down exactly almost every word spoken, even if you had to refine some of it afterwards.  Here was a rare interview.  I shall try to record it verbatim.