Fulkerson was slower in telling Beaton. He was afraid, somehow, of Beaton’s taking the matter in the cynical way; Miss Woodburn said she would break off the engagement if Beaton was left to guess it or find it out by accident, and then Fulkerson plucked up his courage. Beaton received the news with gravity, and with a sort of melancholy meekness that strongly moved Fulkerson’s sympathy, and made him wish that Beaton was engaged, too.
It made Beaton feel very old; it somehow left him behind and forgotten; in a manner, it made him feel trifled with. Something of the unfriendliness of fate seemed to overcast his resentment, and he allowed the sadness of his conviction that he had not the means to marry on to tinge his recognition of the fact that Alma Leighton would not have wanted him to marry her if he had. He was now often in that martyr mood in which he wished to help his father; not only to deny himself Chianti, but to forego a fur-lined overcoat which he intended to get for the winter, He postponed the moment of actual sacrifice as regarded the Chianti, and he bought the overcoat in an anguish of self-reproach. He wore it the first evening after he got it in going to call upon the Leightons, and it seemed to him a piece of ghastly irony when Alma complimented his picturesqueness in it and asked him to let her sketch him.
“Oh, you can sketch me,” he said, with so much gloom that it made her laugh.
“If you think it’s so serious, I’d rather not.”
“No, no! Go ahead! How do you want me?”
Oh, fling yourself down on a chair in one of your attitudes of studied negligence; and twist one corner of your mustache with affected absence of mind.”
“And you think I’m always studied, always affected?”
“I didn’t say so.”
“I didn’t ask you what you said.”
“And I won’t tell you what I think.”
“Ah, I know what you think.”
“What made you ask, then?” The girl laughed again with the satisfaction of her sex in cornering a man.
Beaton made a show of not deigning to reply, and put himself in the pose she suggested, frowning.
“Ah, that’s it. But a little more animation—
“’As when a great thought
strikes along the brain,
And flushes all the cheek.’”
She put her forehead down on the back of her hand and laughed again. “You ought to be photographed. You look as if you were sitting for it.”
Beaton said: “That’s because I know I am being photographed, in one way. I don’t think you ought to call me affected. I never am so with you; I know it wouldn’t be of any use.”
“Oh, Mr. Beaton, you flatter.”
“No, I never flatter you.”
“I meant you flattered yourself.”
“How?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Imagine.”
“I know what you mean. You think I can’t be sincere with anybody.”
“Oh no, I don’t.”