once in his company. An air, a tone of voice,
a composure of countenance to mildness and softness,
which are all easily acquired, do the business:
and without further examination, and possibly with
the contrary qualities, that man is reckoned the gentlest,
the modestest, and the best-natured man alive.
Happy the man, who, with a certain fund of parts and
knowledge, gets acquainted with the world early enough
to make it his bubble, at an age when most people
are the bubbles of the world! for that is the common
case of youth. They grow wiser when it is too
late; and, ashamed and vexed at having been bubbles
so long, too often turn knaves at last. Do not
therefore trust to appearances and outside yourself,
but pay other people with them; because you may be
sure that nine in ten of mankind do, and ever will
trust to them. This is by no means a criminal
or blamable simulation, if not used with an ill intention.
I am by no means blamable in desiring to have other
people’s good word, good-will, and affection,
if I do not mean to abuse them. Your heart, I
know, is good, your sense is sound, and your knowledge
extensive. What then remains for you to do?
Nothing, but to adorn those fundamental qualifications,
with such engaging and captivating manners, softness,
and gentleness, as will endear you to those who are
able to judge of your real merit, and which always
stand in the stead of merit with those who are not.
I do not mean by this to recommend to you ‘le
fade doucereux’, the insipid softness of a gentle
fool; no, assert your own opinion, oppose other people’s
when wrong; but let your manner, your air, your terms,
and your tone of voice, be soft and gentle, and that
easily and naturally, not affectedly. Use palliatives
when you contradict; such as I may be mistaken,
I am not sure, but I believe,
I should rather think, etc.
Finish any argument or dispute with some little good-humored
pleasantry, to show that you are neither hurt yourself,
nor meant to hurt your antagonist; for an argument,
kept up a good while, often occasions a temporary alienation
on each side. Pray observe particularly, in those
French people who are distinguished by that character,
’cette douceur de moeurs et de manieres’,
which they talk of so much, and value so justly; see
in what it consists; in mere trifles, and most easy
to be acquired, where the heart is really good.
Imitate, copy it, till it becomes habitual and easy
to you. Without a compliment to you, I take it
to be the only thing you now want: nothing will
sooner give it you than a real passion, or, at least,
‘un gout vif’, for some woman of fashion;
and, as I suppose that you have either the one or
the other by this time, you are consequently in the
best school. Besides this, if you were to say
to Lady Hervey, Madame Monconseil, or such others
as you look upon to be your friends, It is said that
I have a kind of manner which is rather too decisive