your letter. I shall also require you to be more
minute in your account of yourself than you have hitherto
been, or than I have required, because of the informations
which I receive from time to time from Mr. Harte.
At Paris you will be out of your time, and must set
up for yourself; it is then that I shall be very solicitous
to know how you carry on your business. While
Mr. Harte was your partner, the care was his share,
and the profit yours. But at Paris, if you will
have the latter, you must take the former along with
it. It will be quite a new world to you; very
different from the little world that you have hitherto
seen; and you will have much more to do in it.
You must keep your little accounts constantly every
morning, if you would not have them run into confusion,
and swell to a bulk that would frighten you from ever
looking into them at all. You must allow some
time for learning what you do not know, and some for
keeping what you do know; and you must leave a great
deal of time for your pleasures; which (I repeat it,
again) are now become the most necessary part of your
education. It is by conversations, dinners, suppers,
entertainments,
etc., in the best companies, that
you must be formed for the world. ‘Les
manieres les agremens, les graces’ cannot be
learned by theory; they are only to be got by use among
those who have them; and they are now the main object
of your life, as they are the necessary steps to your
fortune. A man of the best parts, and the greatest
learning, if he does not know the world by his own
experience and observation, will be very absurd; and
consequently very unwelcome in company. He may
say very good things; but they will probably be so
ill-timed, misplaced, or improperly addressed, that
he had much better hold his tongue. Full of his
own matter, and uninformed of; or inattentive to,
the particular circumstances and situations of the
company, he vents it indiscriminately; he puts some
people out of countenance; he shocks others; and frightens
all, who dread what may come out next. The most
general rule that I can give you for the world, and
which your experience will convince you of the truth
of, is, Never to give the tone to the company, but
to take it from them; and to labor more to put them
in conceit with themselves, than to make them admire
you. Those whom you can make like themselves
better, will, I promise you, like you very well.
A system-monger, who, without knowing anything of
the world by experience, has formed a system, of it
in his dusty cell, lays it down, for example, that
(from the general nature of mankind) flattery is pleasing.
He will therefore flatter. But how? Why,
indiscriminately. And instead of repairing and
heightening the piece judiciously, with soft colors
and a delicate pencil,—with a coarse brush
and a great deal of whitewash, he daubs and besmears
the piece he means to adorn. His flattery offends
even his patron; and is almost too gross for his mistress.
A man of the world knows the force of flattery as well
as he does; but then he knows how, when, and where
to give it; he proportions his dose to the constitution
of the patient. He flatters by application, by
inference, by comparison, by hint, and seldom directly.
In the course of the world, there is the same difference
in everything between system and practice.