“Now, you can’t say I’ve deceived you,” said I, “and I can go on.  I want a service — I want two services, in fact; and, if you care to give me them, I’ll perhaps take more stock in what you call your Christianity.”

He was silent for a moment.  Then he smiled.  “You are rather a strange sort of man,” says he.

“I’m the sort of man God made me,” says I.  “I don’t set up to be a gentleman,” I said.

“I am not quite so sure,” said he.  “And what can I do for you, Mr. - ?”

“Wiltshire,” I says, “though I’m mostly called Welsher; but Wiltshire is the way it’s spelt, if the people on the beach could only get their tongues about it.  And what do I want?  Well, I’ll tell you the first thing.  I’m what you call a sinner — what I call a sweep — and I want you to help me make it up to a person I’ve deceived.”

He turned and spoke to his crew in the native.  “And now I am at your service,” said he, “but only for the time my crew are dining.  I must be much farther down the coast before night.  I was delayed at Papa-Malulu till this morning, and I have an engagement in Fale-alii to-morrow night.”

I led the way to my house in silence, and rather pleased with myself for the way I had managed the talk, for I like a man to keep his self-respect.

“I was sorry to see you fighting,” says he.

“O, that’s part of the yarn I want to tell you,” I said.  “That’s service number two.  After you’ve heard it you’ll let me know whether you’re sorry or not.”

We walked right in through the store, and I was surprised to find Uma had cleared away the dinner things.  This was so unlike her ways that I saw she had done it out of gratitude, and liked her the better.  She and Mr. Tarleton called each other by name, and he was very civil to her seemingly.  But I thought little of that; they can always find civility for a Kanaka, it’s us white men they lord it over.  Besides, I didn’t want much Tarleton just them.  I was going to do my pitch.

“Uma,” said I, “give us your marriage certificate.”  She looked put out.  “Come,” said I, “you can trust me.  Hand it up.”

She had it about her person, as usual; I believe she thought it was a pass to heaven, and if she died without having it handy she would go to hell.  I couldn’t see where she put it the first time, I couldn’t see now where she took it from; it seemed to jump into her hand like that Blavatsky business in the papers.  But it’s the same way with all island women, and I guess they’re taught it when young.

“Now,” said I, with the certificate in my hand, “I was married to this girl by Black Jack the negro.  The certificate was wrote by Case, and it’s a dandy piece of literature, I promise you.  Since then I’ve found that there’s a kind of cry in the place against this wife of mine, and so long as I keep her I cannot trade.  Now, what would any man do in my place, if he was a man?” I said.  “The first thing he would do is this, I guess.”  And I took and tore up the certificate and bunged the pieces on the floor.