[James retires
crestfallen to the table, where he replaces the
cooler.]
Lord W. [Catching hold of his bit] Look here, I must have fought alongside some of you fellows in the war. Weren’t we jolly well like brothers?
A voice. Not so much bloomin’ “Kamerad”; hand over yer ’Ouse.
Lord W. I was born with this beastly great house, and money, and goodness knows what other entanglements—a wife and family——
Voice. Born with a wife and family!
[Jeers and laughter.]
Lord W. I feel we’re all in the same boat, and I want to pull my weight. If you can show me the way, I’ll take it fast enough.
A deep voice. Step dahn then, an’ we’ll step up.
Another voice. ’Ear, ’Ear!
[A fierce little cheer.]
Lord W. [To lady William—in despair] By George! I can’t get in anywhere!
Lady W. [Calmly] Then shut the window, Bill.
Lemmy. [Who has been moving towards them slowly] Lemme sy a word to ’em.
[All stare at him.
Lemmy approaches the window, followed by
little Aida.
Poulder re-enters with the three other footmen.]
[At the window] Cheerio! Cockies!
[The silence of surprise falls on the crowd.]
I’m one of yer. Gas an’ water I am. Got more grievances an’ out of employment than any of yer. I want to see their blood flow, syme as you.
Press. [writing] “Born orator—ready cockney wit—saves situation.”
Lemmy. Wot I sy is: Dahn wiv the country, dahn wiv everyfing. Begin agyne from the foundytions. [Nodding his head back at the room] But we’ve got to keep one or two o’ these ’ere under glawss, to show our future generytions. An’ this one is ’armless. His pipes is sahnd, ’is ’eart is good; ’is ’ead is not strong. Is ’ouse will myke a charmin’ palace o’ varieties where our children can come an’ see ’ow they did it in the good old dyes. Yer never see rich waxworks as ’is butler and ’is four conscientious khaki footmen. Why—wot dyer think ’e ’as ’em for—fear they might be out o’-works like you an’ me. Nao! Keep this one; ’e’s a Flower. ‘Arf a mo’! I’ll show yer my Muvver. Come ’ere, old lydy; and bring yer trahsers. [Mrs. Lemmy comes forward to the window] Tell abaht yer speech to the meetin’.
Mrs. Lemmy. [Bridling] Oh dear! Well, I cam’ in with me trousers, an’ they putt me up on the pedestory at once, so I tole ’em. [Holding up the trousers] “I putt in the button’oles, I stretches the flies; I lines the crutch; I putt on this bindin’, I presses the seams—Tuppence three farthin’s a pair.”
[A groan from tote crowd, ]
Lemmy. [Showing her off] Seventy-seven! Wot’s ’er income? Twelve bob a week; seven from the Gover’ment an’ five from the sweat of ’er brow. Look at ’er! ‘Yn’t she a tight old dear to keep it goin’! No workus for ’er, nao fear! The gryve rather!