silence.  Roe then said, “When it begins to hum.”  Doe then—­and not till then—­struck Roe, and his head happening to hit a bound volume of the Monthly Rag-bag and Stolen Miscellany, intense mortification ensued, with a fatal result.  The chief laid down his notions of the law to his brother justices, who unanimously replied, “Jest so.”  The chief rejoined, that no man should jest so without being punished for it, and charged for the prisoner, who was acquitted, and the pun ordered to be burned by the sheriff.  The bound volume was forfeited as a deodand, but not claimed.

People that make puns are like wanton boys that put coppers on the railroad tracks.  They amuse themselves and other children, but their little trick may upset a freight train of conversation for the sake of a battered witticism.

I will thank you, B. F., to bring down two books, of which I will mark the places on this slip of paper. (While he is gone, I may say that this boy, our land-lady’s youngest, is called Benjamin Franklin, after the celebrated philosopher of that name.  A highly merited compliment.)

I wished to refer to two eminent authorities.  Now be so good as to listen.  The great moralist says:  “To trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence.  He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the paternal till without remorse, and repeat the banquet of Saturn without an indigestion.”

And, once more, listen to the historian.  “The Puritans hated puns.  The Bishops were notoriously addicted to them.  The Lords Temporal carried them to the verge of license.  Majesty itself must have its Royal quibble.  ‘Ye be burly, my Lord of Burleigh,’ said Queen Elizabeth, ’but ye shall make less stir in our realm than my Lord of Leicester.’  The gravest wisdom and the highest breeding lent their sanction to the practice.  Lord Bacon playfully declared himself a descendant of ’Og, the King of Bashan.  Sir Philip Sidney, with his last breath, reproached the soldier who brought him water, for wasting a casque full upon a dying man.  A courtier, who saw Othello performed at the Globe Theatre, remarked, that the blackamoor was a brute, and not a man.  ‘Thou hast reason,’ replied a great Lord, ’according to Plato his saying; for this be a two-legged animal with feathers.’  The fatal habit became universal.  The language was corrupted.  The infection spread to the national conscience.  Political double-dealings naturally grew out of verbal double meanings.  The teeth of the new dragon were sown by the Cadmus who introduced the alphabet of equivocation.  What was levity in the time of the Tudors grew to regicide and revolution in the age of the Stuarts.”

Who was that boarder that just whispered something about the Macaulay-flowers of literature?—­There was a dead silence.—­I said calmly, I shall henceforth consider any interruption by a pun as a hint to change my boarding-house.  Do not plead my example.  If I have used any such, it has been only as a Spartan father would show up a drunken helot.  We have done with them.