I have nothing more to report at this time, except two pieces of advice I gave to the young women at table.  One relates to a vulgarism of language, which I grieve to say is sometimes heard even from female lips.  The other is of more serious purport, and applies to such as contemplate a change of condition,—­matrimony, in fact.

—­The woman who “calculates” is lost.

—­Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.

CHAPTER III

[The “Atlantic” obeys the moon, and its LUNIVERSARY has come round again.  I have gathered up some hasty notes of my remarks made since the last high tides, which I respectfully submit.  Please to remember this is talk; just as easy and just as formal as I choose to make it.]

—­I never saw an author in my life—­saving, perhaps, one—­that did not purr as audibly as a full-grown domestic cat, (Felis Catus, Linn.,) on having his fur smoothed in the right way by a skilful hand.

But let me give you a caution.  Be very careful how you tell an author he is droll.  Ten to one he will hate you; and if he does, be sure he can do you a mischief, and very probably will.  Say you cried over his romance or his verses, and he will love you and send you a copy.  You can laugh over that as much as you like—­in private.

—­Wonder why authors and actors are ashamed of being funny?—­Why, there are obvious reasons, and deep philosophical ones.  The clown knows very well that the women are not in love with him, but with Hamlet, the fellow in the black cloak and plumed hat.  Passion never laughs.  The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

If you want the deep underlying reason, I must take more time to tell it.  There is a perfect consciousness in every form of wit —­using that term in its general sense—­that its essence consists in a partial and incomplete view of whatever it touches.  It throws a single ray, separated from the rest,—­red, yellow, blue, or any intermediate shade,—­upon an object; never white light; that is the province of wisdom.  We get beautiful effects from wit,—­all the prismatic colors,—­but never the object as it is in fair daylight.  A pun, which is a kind if wit, is a different and much shallower trick in mental optics throwing the shadows of two objects so that one overlies the other.  Poetry uses the rainbow tints for special effects, but always keeps its essential object in the purest white light of truth.—­Will you allow me to pursue this subject a little further?

[They didn’t allow me at that time, for somebody happened to scrape the floor with his chair just then; which accidental sound, as all must have noticed, has the instantaneous effect that the cutting of the yellow hair by Iris had upon infelix Dido.  It broke the charm, and that breakfast was over.]