“’So far as one’s vanity is concerned it is well enough.  But self-love is a cup without any bottom, and you might pour the Great Lakes all through it, and never fill it up.  It breeds an appetite for more of the same kind.  It tends to make the celebrity a mere lump of egotism.  It generates a craving for high-seasoned personalities which is in danger of becoming slavery, like that following the abuse of alcohol, or opium, or tobacco.  Think of a man’s having every day, by every post, letters that tell him he is this and that and the other, with epithets and endearments, one tenth part of which would have made him blush red hot before he began to be what you call a celebrity!’

“Are there not some special inconveniences connected with what is called celebrity?

“’I should think so!  Suppose you were obliged every day of your life to stand and shake hands, as the President of the United States has to after his inauguration:  how do you think your hand would feel after a few months’ practice of that exercise?  Suppose you had given you thirty-five millions of money a year, in hundred-dollar coupons, on condition that you cut them all off yourself in the usual manner:  how do you think you should like the look of a pair of scissors at the end of a year, in which you had worked ten hours a day every day but Sunday, cutting off a hundred coupons an hour, and found you had not finished your task, after all?  You have addressed me as what you are pleased to call “a literary celebrity.”  I won’t dispute with you as to whether or not I deserve that title.  I will take it for granted I am what you call me, and give you some few hints on my experience.

“’You know there was formed a while ago an Association of Authors for Self-Protection.  It meant well, and it was hoped that something would come of it in the way of relieving that oppressed class, but I am sorry to say that it has not effected its purpose.’

“I suspected he had a hand in drawing up the Constitution and Laws of that Association.  Yes, I said, an admirable Association it was, and as much needed as the one for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.  I am sorry to hear that it has not proved effectual in putting a stop to the abuse of a deserving class of men.  It ought to have done it; it was well conceived, and its public manifesto was a masterpiece. (I saw by his expression that he was its author.)

“‘I see I can trust you,’ he said.  ’I will unbosom myself freely of some of the grievances attaching to the position of the individual to whom you have applied the term “Literary Celebrity.”

“’He is supposed to be a millionaire, in virtue of the immense sales of his books, all the money from which, it is taken for granted, goes into his pocket.  Consequently, all subscription papers are handed to him for his signature, and every needy stranger who has heard his name comes to him for assistance.

“’He is expected to subscribe for all periodicals, and is goaded by receiving blank formulae, which, with their promises to pay, he is expected to fill up.