INNOCENTS ABROAD

by Mark Twain

[From an 1869—­1st Edition]

Contents

Chapter I. Popular Talk of the Excursion—­Programme of the Trip—­Duly Ticketed for the Excursion—­Defection of the Celebrities

Chapter ii. 
Grand Preparations—­An Imposing Dignitary—­The European Exodus
—­Mr. Blucher’s Opinion—­Stateroom No. 10—­The Assembling of the Clans
—­At Sea at Last

Chapter iii. 
“Averaging” the Passengers—­Far, far at Sea.—­Tribulation among the
Patriarchs—­Seeking Amusement under Difficulties—­Five Captains in the
Ship

Chapter iv. 
The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated—­Pilgrim Life at Sea
—­“Horse-Billiards”—­The “Synagogue”—­The Writing School—­Jack’s “Journal”
—­The “Q.  C. Club”—­The Magic Lantern—­State Ball on Deck—­Mock Trials
—­Charades—­Pilgrim Solemnity—­Slow Music—­The Executive Officer Delivers
an Opinion

Chapter V.
Summer in Mid-Atlantic—­An Eccentric Moon—­Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence
—­The Mystery of “Ship Time”—­The Denizens of the Deep—­“Land Hoh”
—­The First Landing on a Foreign Shore—­Sensation among the Natives
—­Something about the Azores Islands—­Blucher’s Disastrous Dinner
—­The Happy Result

Chapter vi. 
Solid Information—­A Fossil Community—­Curious Ways and Customs
—­JesuitHumbuggery—­Fantastic Pilgrimizing—­Origin of the Russ Pavement
—­Squaring Accounts with the Fossils—­At Sea Again

Chaptervii. 

A Tempest at Night—­Spain and Africa on Exhibition—­Greeting a Majestic Stranger—­The Pillars of Hercules—­The Rock of Gibraltar—­Tiresome Repetition—­“The Queen’s Chair”—­Serenity Conquered—­Curiosities of the Secret Caverns—­Personnel of Gibraltar—­Some Odd Characters —­A Private Frolic in Africa—­Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)—­Vanity Rebuked—­Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco

Chapter VIII. 
The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco—­Strange Sights—­A Cradle of
Antiquity—­We become Wealthy—­How they Rob the Mail in Africa—­The Danger
of being Opulent in Morocco

Chapter ix. 
A Pilgrim—­in Deadly Peril—­How they Mended the Clock—­Moorish
Punishments for Crime—­Marriage Customs—­Looking Several ways for Sunday
—­Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims—­Reverence for Cats—­Bliss of
being a Consul-General

Chapter X. Fourth of July at Sea—­Mediterranean Sunset—­The “Oracle” is Delivered of an Opinion—­Celebration Ceremonies—­The Captain’s Speech—­France in Sight—­The Ignorant Native—­In Marseilles—­Another Blunder—­Lost in the Great City—­Found Again—­A Frenchy Scene

Chapter xi. 
Getting used to it—­No Soap—­Bill of Fare, Table d’hote—­“An American
Sir”—­A Curious Discovery—­The “Pilgrim” Bird—­Strange Companionship
—­A Grave of the Living—­A Long Captivity—­Some of Dumas’ Heroes—­Dungeon
of the Famous “Iron Mask.”