169 Rue de L’UNIVERSITE,
Paris, Dec. 22; ’94. 
Dear Mr. Rogers,—­I seemed to be entirely expecting your letter, and also prepared and resigned; but Lord, it shows how little we know ourselves and how easily we can deceive ourselves.  It hit me like a thunder-clap.  It knocked every rag of sense out of my head, and I went flying here and there and yonder, not knowing what I was doing, and only one clearly defined thought standing up visible and substantial out of the crazy storm-drift that my dream of ten years was in desperate peril, and out of the 60,000 or 90,000 projects for its rescue that came floating through my skull, not one would hold still long enough for me to examine it and size it up.  Have you ever been like that?  Not so much so, I reckon.

There was another clearly defined idea—­I must be there and see it die.  That is, if it must die; and maybe if I were there we might hatch up some next-to-impossible way to make it take up its bed and take a walk.

So, at the end of four hours I started, still whirling and walked over to the rue Scribe—­4 P. M.—­and asked a question or two and was told I should be running a big risk if I took the 9 P. M. train for London and Southampton; “better come right along at 6.52 per Havre special and step aboard the New York all easy and comfortable.”  Very! and I about two miles from home, with no packing done.

Then it occurred to me that none of these salvation-notions that were whirl-winding through my head could be examined or made available unless at least a month’s time could be secured.  So I cabled you, and said to myself that I would take the French steamer tomorrow (which will be Sunday).

By bedtime Mrs. Clemens had reasoned me into a fairly rational and contented state of mind; but of course it didn’t last long.  So I went on thinking—­mixing it with a smoke in the dressing room once an hour—­until dawn this morning.  Result—­a sane resolution; no matter what your answer to my cable might be, I would hold still and not sail until I should get an answer to this present letter which I am now writing, or a cable answer from you saying “Come” or “Remain.”

I have slept 6 hours, my pond has clarified, and I find the sediment of my 70,000 projects to be of this character: 

[Several pages of suggestions for reconstructing the machine follow.]

Don’t say I’m wild.  For really I’m sane again this morning.

......................

I am going right along with Joan, now, and wait untroubled till I hear from you.  If you think I can be of the least use, cable me “Come.”  I can write Joan on board ship and lose no time.  Also I could discuss my plan with the publisher for a deluxe Joan, time being an object, for some of the pictures could be made over here cheaply and quickly, but would cost much time and money in America.