excite the audience with a spoonful of information about Fulton, then quiet down with a barrel of illustration drawn by memory from my books—­and if you don’t say anything the house will think they never heard of it before, because people don’t really read your books, they only say they do, to keep you from feeling bad.  Next, excite the house with another spoonful of Fultonian fact, then tranquilize them again with another barrel of illustration.  And so on and so on, all through the evening; and if you are discreet and don’t tell them the illustrations don’t illustrate anything, they won’t notice it and I will send them home as well-informed about Robert Fulton as I am myself.  Don’t be afraid; I know all about audiences, they believe everything you say, except when you are telling the truth. 
                    Truly yours,
                                   S. L. Clemens.

P.S.  Mark all the advertisements “Private and Confidential,” otherwise the people will not read them. 
                                   M. T.

Dear Mr. Clemens,—­How long shall you talk?  I ask in order that we may
be able to say when carriages may be called. 
                    Very Truly yours,
                              Hugh Gordon Miller,
                                        Secretary.

Dear Mr. Miller,—­I cannot say for sure.  It is my custom to keep on
talking till I get the audience cowed.  Sometimes it takes an hour and
fifteen minutes, sometimes I can do it in an hour. 
                              Sincerely yours,
                                        S. L. Clemens.

Mem.  My charge is 2 boxes free.  Not the choicest—­sell the choicest,
and give me any 6-seat boxes you please. 
                                        S. L. C.

I want Fred Grant (in uniform) on the stage; also the rest of the officials of the Association; also other distinguished people—­all the attractions we can get.  Also, a seat for Mr. Albert Bigelow Paine, who may be useful to me if he is near me and on the front. 
                                        S. L. C.

The seat chosen for the writer of these notes was to be at the front of the stage in order that the lecturer might lean over now and then and pretend to be asking information concerning Fulton.  I was not entirely happy in the thought of this showy honor, and breathed more freely when this plan was abandoned and the part assigned to General Grant.

     The lecture was given in Carnegie Hall, which had been gayly
     decorated for the occasion.  The house was more than filled, and a
     great sum of money was realized for the fund.