THE UNDERTAKER’S CHAT

“Now that corpse,” said the undertaker, patting the folded hands of deceased approvingly, was a brick-every way you took him he was a brick.  He was so real accommodating, and so modest-like and simple in his last moments.  Friends wanted metallic burial-case—­nothing else would do.  I couldn’t get it.  There warn’t going to be time—­anybody could see that.

“Corpse said never mind, shake him up some kind of a box he could stretch out in comfortable, he warn’t particular ’bout the general style of it.  Said he went more on room than style, anyway in a last final container.

“Friends wanted a silver door-plate on the coffin, signifying who he was and wher’ he was from.  Now you know a fellow couldn’t roust out such a gaily thing as that in a little country-town like this.  What did corpse say?

“Corpse said, whitewash his old canoe and dob his address and general destination onto it with a blacking-brush and a stencil-plate, ’long with a verse from some likely hymn or other, and pint him for the tomb, and mark him C. O. D., and just let him flicker.  He warn’t distressed any more than you be—­on the contrary, just as ca,’m and collected as a hearse-horse; said he judged that wher’ he was going to a body would find it considerable better to attract attention by a picturesque moral character than a natty burial-case with a swell door-plate on it.

“Splendid man, he was.  I’d druther do for a corpse like that ’n any I’ve tackled in seven year.  There’s some satisfaction in buryin’ a man like that.  You feel that what you’re doing is appreciated.  Lord bless you, so’s he got planted before he sp’iled, he was perfectly satisfied; said his relations meant well, perfectly well, but all them preparations was bound to delay the thing more or less, and he didn’t wish to be kept layin’ around.  You never see such a clear head as what he had—­and so ca,’m and so cool.  Jist a hunk of brains—­that is what he was.  Perfectly awful.  It was a ripping distance from one end of that man’s head to t’other.  Often and over again he’s had brain-fever a-raging in one place, and the rest of the pile didn’t know anything about it—­didn’t affect it any more than an Injun Insurrection in Arizona affects the Atlantic States.

“Well, the relations they wanted a big funeral, but corpse said he was down on flummery—­didn,’t want any procession—­fill the hearse full of mourners, and get out a stern line and tow him behind.  He was the most down on style of any remains I ever struck.  A beautiful, simpleminded creature it was what he was, you can depend on that.  He was just set on having things the way he wanted them, and he took a solid comfort in laying his little plans.  He had me measure him and take a whole raft of directions; then he had the minister stand up behind along box with a table—­cloth over it, to represent the coffin, and read his funeral