Mark Twain's Speeches eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 350 pages of information about Mark Twain's Speeches.

Mark Twain's Speeches eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 350 pages of information about Mark Twain's Speeches.

The Bell bill limitations would drive the osteopaths out of the State.  Oh, dear me! when you drive somebody out of the State you create the same condition as prevailed in the Garden of Eden.

You want the thing that you can’t have.  I didn’t care much about the osteopaths, but as soon as I found they were going to drive them out I got in a state of uneasiness, and I can’t sleep nights now.

I know how Adam felt in the Garden of Eden about the prohibited apple.  Adam didn’t want the apple till he found out he couldn’t have it, just as he would have wanted osteopathy if he couldn’t have it.

Whose property is my body?  Probably mine.  I so regard it.  If I experiment with it, who must be answerable?  I, not the State.  If I choose injudiciously, does the State die?  Oh no.

I was the subject of my mother’s experiment.  She was wise.  She made experiments cautiously.  She didn’t pick out just any child in the flock.  No, she chose judiciously.  She chose one she could spare, and she couldn’t spare the others.  I was the choice child of the flock; so I had to take all of the experiments.

In 1844 Kneipp filled the world with the wonder of the water cure.  Mother wanted to try it, but on sober second thought she put me through.  A bucket of ice-water was poured over to see the effect.  Then I was rubbed down with flannels, sheet was dipped in the water, and I was put to bed.  I perspired so much that mother put a life-preserver to bed with me.

But this had nothing but a spiritual effect on me, and I didn’t care for that.  When they took off the sheet it was yellow from the output of my conscience, the exudation of sin.  It purified me spiritually, and it remains until this day.

I have experimented with osteopathy and allopathy.  I took a chance at the latter for old times’ sake, for, three tines, when a boy, mother’s new methods got me so near death’s door she had to call in the family physician to pull me out.

The physicians think they are moved by regard for the best interests of the public.  Isn’t there a little touch of self-interest back of it all?  It seems to me there is, and I don’t claim to have all the virtues—­only nine or ten of them.

I was born in the “Banner State,” and by “Banner State” I mean Missouri.  Osteopathy was born in the same State, and both of us are getting along reasonably well.  At a time during my younger days my attention was attracted to a picture of a house which bore the inscription, “Christ Disputing with the Doctors.”

I could attach no other meaning to it than that Christ was actually quarreling with the doctors.  So I asked an old slave, who was a sort of a herb doctor in a small way—­unlicensed, of course—­what the meaning of the picture was.  “What had has done?” I asked.  And the colored man replied “Humph, he ain’t got no license.”

WATER-SUPPLY

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Mark Twain's Speeches from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.