“We can endure this hated tyranny no longer.  How can we cast it off?”

“By a coup d’etat.”

“How?”

“A coup d’etat.  It is like this:  everything is got ready, and at the appointed moment I, as the official head of the nation, publicly and solemnly proclaim its independence, and absolve it from allegiance to any and all other powers whatsoever.”

“That sounds simple and easy.  We can do that right away.  Then what will be the next thing to do?”

“Seize all the defenses and public properties of all kinds, establish martial law, put the army and navy on a war footing, and proclaim the empire!”

This fine program dazzled these innocents.  They said: 

“This is grand—­this is splendid; but will not England resist?”

“Let her.  This rock is a Gibraltar.”

“True.  But about the empire?  Do we need an empire and an emperor?”

“What you need, my friends, is unification.  Look at Germany; look at Italy.  They are unified.  Unification is the thing.  It makes living dear.  That constitutes progress.  We must have a standing army and a navy.  Taxes follow, as a matter of course.  All these things summed up make grandeur.  With unification and grandeur, what more can you want?  Very well—­only the empire can confer these boons.”

So on the 8th day of December Pitcairn’s Island was proclaimed a free and independent nation; and on the same day the solemn coronation of Butterworth I, Emperor of Pitcairn’s Island, took place, amid great rejoicings and festivities.  The entire nation, with the exception of fourteen persons, mainly little children, marched past the throne in single file, with banners and music, the procession being upward of ninety feet long; and some said it was as much as three-quarters of a minute passing a given point.  Nothing like it had ever been seen in the history of the island before.  Public enthusiasm was measureless.

Now straightway imperial reforms began.  Orders of nobility were instituted.  A minister of the navy was appointed, and the whale-boat put in commission.  A minister of war was created, and ordered to proceed at once with the formation of a standing army.  A first lord of the treasury was named, and commanded to get up a taxation scheme, and also open negotiations for treaties, offensive, defensive, and commercial, with foreign powers.  Some generals and admirals were appointed; also some chamberlains, some equerries in waiting, and some lords of the bedchamber.

At this point all the material was used up.  The Grand Duke of Galilee, minister of war, complained that all the sixteen grown men in the empire had been given great offices, and consequently would not consent to serve in the ranks; wherefore his standing army was at a standstill.  The Marquis of Ararat, minister of the navy, made a similar complaint.  He said he was willing to steer the whale-boat himself, but he must have somebody to man her.