She began to cry so bitterly that they had to give her time to collect herself.

Then the president resumed with the tone of a priest at the confessional:  “Come, now, go on.”

She began to talk again:  “When I realized my condition I went to see Madame Boudin, who is there to tell you, and I asked her how it would be, in case it should come if she were not there.  Then I made the outfit, sewing night after night, every evening until one o’clock in the morning; and then I looked for another place, for I knew very well that I should be sent away, but I wanted to stay in the house until the very last, so as to save my pennies, for I have not got very much and I should need my money for the little one.”

“Then you did not intend to kill him?”

“Oh, certainly not, monsieur!”

“Why did you kill him, then?”

“It happened this way.  It came sooner than I expected.  It came upon me in the kitchen, while I was doing the dishes.  Monsieur and Madame Varambot were already asleep, so I went up, not without difficulty, dragging myself up by the banister, and I lay down on the bare floor.  It lasted perhaps one hour, or two, or three; I don’t know, I had such pain; and then I pushed him out with all my strength.  I felt that he came out and I picked him up.

“Ah! but I was glad, I assure you!  I did all that Madame Boudin told me to do.  And then I laid him on my bed.  And then such a pain griped me again that I thought I should die.  If you knew what it meant, you there, you would not do so much of this.  I fell on my knees, and then toppled over backward on the floor; and it griped me again, perhaps one hour, perhaps two.  I lay there all alone—­and then another one comes—­another little one—­two, yes, two, like this.  I took him up as I did the first one, and then I put him on the bed, the two side by side.  Is it possible, tell me, two children, and I who get only twenty francs a month?  Say, is it possible?  One, yes, that can be managed by going without things, but not two.  That turned my head.  What do I know about it?  Had I any choice, tell me?

“What could I do?  I felt as if my last hour had come.  I put the pillow over them, without knowing why.  I could not keep them both; and then I threw myself down, and I lay there, rolling over and over and crying until I saw the daylight come into the window.  Both of them were quite dead under the pillow.  Then I took them under my arms and went down the stairs out in the vegetable garden.  I took the gardener’s spade and I buried them under the earth, digging as deep a hole as I could, one here and the other one there, not together, so that they might not talk of their mother if these little dead bodies can talk.  What do I know about it?

“And then, back in my bed, I felt so sick that I could not get up.  They sent for the doctor and he understood it all.  I’m telling you the truth, Your Honor.  Do what you like with me; I’m ready.”