“And surely they are all honorable men!”

Heaven save the mark.

Chapter IX. 
BRANS or peas—­insufficiency of darky testimony—­A guard kills A
prisoner—­prisoners TEAZE the guards—­desperate outbreak.

But, to return to the rations—­a topic which, with escape or exchange, were to be the absorbing ones for us for the next fifteen months.  There was now issued to every two men a loaf of coarse bread—­made of a mixture of flour and meal—­and about the size and shape of an ordinary brick.  This half loaf was accompanied, while our Government was allowed to furnish rations, with a small piece of corned beef.  Occasionally we got a sweet potato, or a half-pint or such a matter of soup made from a coarse, but nutritious, bean or pea, called variously “nigger-pea,” “stock-pea,” or “cow-pea.”

This, by the way, became a fruitful bone of contention during our stay in the South.  One strong party among us maintained that it was a bean, because it was shaped like one, and brown, which they claimed no pea ever was.  The other party held that it was a pea because its various names all agreed in describing it as a pea, and because it was so full of bugs—­none being entirely free from insects, and some having as many as twelve by actual count—­within its shell.  This, they declared, was a distinctive characteristic of the pea family.  The contention began with our first instalment of the leguminous ration, and was still raging between the survivors who passed into our lines in 1865.  It waxed hot occasionally, and each side continually sought evidence to support its view of the case.  Once an old darky, sent into the prison on some errand, was summoned to decide a hot dispute that was raging in the crowd to which I belonged.  The champion of the pea side said, producing one of the objects of dispute: 

“Now, boys, keep still, till I put the question fairly.  Now, uncle, what do they call that there?”

The colored gentleman scrutinized the vegetable closely, and replied,

“Well, dey mos’ generally calls ’em stock-peas, round hyar aways.”

“There,” said the pea-champion triumphantly.

“But,” broke in the leader of the bean party, “Uncle, don’t they also call them beans?”

“Well, yes, chile, I spec dat lots of ’em does.”

And this was about the way the matter usually ended.

I will not attempt to bias the reader’s judgment by saying which side I believed to be right.  As the historic British showman said, in reply to the question as to whether an animal in his collection was a rhinoceros or an elephant, “You pays your money and you takes your choice.”