Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete eBook

Albert Bigelow Paine
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,890 pages of information about Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete.

Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete eBook

Albert Bigelow Paine
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,890 pages of information about Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete.

“Says I, ‘I can’t afford it, Mr. Holmes, and moreover I don’t want to.’  Blamed if I liked it pretty well, either, coming from a stranger that way.  However, I started to get out my bacon and beans when Mr. Emerson came and looked on awhile, and then he takes me aside by the buttonhole and says: 

     “’Give me agates for my meat;
       Give me cantharids to eat;
       From air and ocean bring me foods,
       From all zones and altitudes.’

“Says I, ‘Mr. Emerson, if you’ll excuse me, this ain’t no hotel.’  You see, it sort of riled me—­I warn’t used to the ways of Jittery swells.  But I went on a-sweating over my work, and next comes Mr. Longfellow and buttonholes me and interrupts me.  Says he: 

     “’Honor be to Mudjekeewis! 
       You shall hear how Pau-Puk-Keewis—­’

“But I broke in, and says I, ’Beg your pardon, Mr. Longfellow, if you’ll be so kind as to hold your yawp for about five minutes and let me get this grub ready, you’ll do me proud.’  Well, sir, after they’d filled up I set out the jug.  Mr. Holmes looks at it and then he fires up all of a sudden and yells: 

     “’Flash out a stream of blood-red wine! 
       For I would drink to other days.’

“By George, I was getting kind of worked up.  I don’t deny it, I was getting kind of worked up.  I turns to Mr. Holmes and says I, ’Looky here, my fat friend, I’m a-running this shanty, and if the court knows herself you’ll take whisky straight or you’ll go dry.’  Them’s the very words I said to him.  Now I don’t want to sass such famous Littery people, but you see they kind of forced me.  There ain’t nothing onreasonable ‘bout me.  I don’t mind a passel of guests a-treadin’ on my tail three or four times, but when it comes to standing on it it’s different, ‘and if the court knows herself,’ I says, ’you’ll take whisky straight or you’ll go dry.’  Well, between drinks they’d swell around the cabin and strike attitudes and spout; and pretty soon they got out a greasy old deck and went to playing euchre at ten cents a corner—­on trust.  I began to notice some pretty suspicious things.  Mr. Emerson dealt, looked at his hand, shook his head, says: 

     “‘I am the doubter and the doubt—­’

and calmly bunched the hands and went to shuffling for a new lay-out.  Says he: 

     “’They reckon ill who leave me out;
       They know not well the subtle ways I keep. 
       I pass and deal again!’

Hang’d if he didn’t go ahead and do it, too!  Oh, he was a cool one!  Well, in about a minute things were running pretty tight, but all of a sudden I see by Mr. Emerson’s eye he judged he had ’em.  He had already corralled two tricks and each of the others one.  So now he kind of lifts a little in his chair and says,

     “’I tire of globes and aces! 
       Too long the game is played!’

and down he fetched a right bower.  Mr. Longfellow smiles as sweet as pie and says,

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Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.