Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete eBook

Albert Bigelow Paine
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,890 pages of information about Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete.

Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete eBook

Albert Bigelow Paine
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,890 pages of information about Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete.

The pain did not trouble him that afternoon, nor during several succeeding days.  He was gay and quite himself, and he often went out on the lawn; but we did not drive out again.  For the most part, he sat propped up in his bed, reading or smoking, or talking in the old way; and as I looked at him he seemed so full of vigor and the joy of life that I could not convince myself that he would not outlive us all.  I found that he had been really very much alive during those three months—­too much for his own good, sometimes—­for he had not been careful of his hours or his diet, and had suffered in consequence.

He had not been writing, though he had scribbled some playful valentines and he had amused himself one day by preparing a chapter of advice—­for me it appeared—­which, after reading it aloud to the Allens and receiving their approval, he declared he intended to have printed for my benefit.  As it would seem to have been the last bit of continued writing he ever did, and because it is characteristic and amusing, a few paragraphs may be admitted.  The “advice” is concerning deportment on reaching the Gate which St. Peter is supposed to guard—­

    Upon arrival do not speak to St. Peter until spoken to.  It is not
    your place to begin.

    Do not begin any remark with “Say.”

When applying for a ticket avoid trying to make conversation.  If you must talk let the weather alone.  St. Peter cares not a damn for the weather.  And don’t ask him what time the 4.30 train goes; there aren’t any trains in heaven, except through trains, and the less information you get about them the better for you.

    You can ask him for his autograph—­there is no harm in that—­but be
    careful and don’t remark that it is one of the penalties of
    greatness.  He has heard that before.

    Don’t try to kodak him.  Hell is full of people who have made that
    mistake.

    Leave your dog outside.  Heaven goes by favor.  If it went by merit
    you would stay out and the dog would go in.

    You will be wanting to slip down at night and smuggle water to those
    poor little chaps (the infant damned), but don’t you try it.  You
    would be caught, and nobody in heaven would respect you after that.

    Explain to Helen why I don’t come.  If you can.

There were several pages of this counsel.  One paragraph was written in shorthand.  I meant to ask him to translate it; but there were many other things to think of, and I did not remember.

I spent most of each day with him, merely sitting by the bed and reading while he himself read or dozed.  His nights were wakeful—­he found it easier to sleep by day—­and he liked to think that some one was there.  He became interested in Hardy’s Jude, and spoke of it with high approval, urging me to read it.  He dwelt a good deal on the morals of it, or rather on the lack of them.  He followed

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Mark Twain, a Biography. Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.