I think it is not an exaggeration to say that the Queen looked as young and beautiful as she did thirty-five years ago when I saw her first.  I did not say this to her, because I learned long ago never to say the obvious thing, but leave the obvious thing to commonplace and inexperienced people to say.  That she still looked to me as young and beautiful as she did thirty-five years ago is good evidence that ten thousand people have already noticed this and have mentioned it to her.  I could have said it and spoken the truth, but I was too wise for that.  I kept the remark unuttered and saved her Majesty the vexation of hearing it the ten-thousand-and-oneth time.

    All that report about my proposal to buy Windsor Castle and its
    grounds was a false rumor.  I started it myself.

One newspaper said I patted his Majesty on the shoulder—­an impertinence of which I was not guilty; I was reared in the most exclusive circles of Missouri and I know how to behave.  The King rested his hand upon my arm a moment or two while we were chatting, but he did it of his own accord.  The newspaper which said I talked with her Majesty with my hat on spoke the truth, but my reasons for doing it were good and sufficient—­in fact unassailable.  Rain was threatening, the temperature had cooled, and the Queen said, “Please put your hat on, Mr. Clemens.”  I begged her pardon and excused myself from doing it.  After a moment or two she said, “Mr. Clemens, put your hat on”—­with a slight emphasis on the word “on” “I can’t allow you to catch cold here.”  When a beautiful queen commands it is a pleasure to obey, and this time I obeyed—­but I had already disobeyed once, which is more than a subject would have felt justified in doing; and so it is true, as charged; I did talk with the Queen of England with my hat on, but it wasn’t fair in the newspaper man to charge it upon me as an impoliteness, since there were reasons for it which he could not know of.

Nearly all the members of the British royal family were there, and there were foreign visitors which included the King of Siam and a party of India princes in their gorgeous court costumes, which Clemens admired openly and said he would like to wear himself.

The English papers spoke of it as one of the largest and most distinguished parties ever given at Windsor.  Clemens attended it in company with Mr. and Mrs. J. Henniker Heaton, and when it was over Sir Thomas Lipton joined them and motored with them back to Brown’s.

He was at Archdeacon Wilberforce’s next day, where a curious circumstance developed.  When he arrived Wilberforce said to him, in an undertone: 

“Come into my library.  I have something to show you.”

In the library Clemens was presented to a Mr. Pole, a plain-looking man, suggesting in dress and appearance the English tradesman.  Wilberforce said: 

“Mr. Pole, show to Mr. Clemens what you have brought here.”