The Complete Memoirs of Jacques Casanova eBook

Giacomo Casanova
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 4,501 pages of information about The Complete Memoirs of Jacques Casanova.

The Complete Memoirs of Jacques Casanova eBook

Giacomo Casanova
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 4,501 pages of information about The Complete Memoirs of Jacques Casanova.
which now returns only at intervals, and I am in constant dread of a fresh attack of those awful convulsions.  They say I am bewitched, and possessed of the demon; I do not know anything about it, but if it should be true I am the most miserable creature in existence.”  Bettina ceased speaking, and burst into a violent storm of tears, sobs, and groans.  I was deeply moved, although I felt that all she had said might be true, and yet was scarcely worthy of belief: 

   ’Forse era ver, ma non pero credibile
   A chi del senso suo fosse signor.’

But she was weeping, and her tears, which at all events were not deceptive, took away from me the faculty of doubt.  Yet I put her tears to the account of her wounded self-love; to give way entirely I needed a thorough conviction, and to obtain it evidence was necessary, probability was not enough.  I could not admit either Cordiani’s moderation or Bettina’s patience, or the fact of seven hours employed in innocent conversation.  In spite of all these considerations, I felt a sort of pleasure in accepting for ready cash all the counterfeit coins that she had spread out before me.

After drying her tears, Bettina fixed her beautiful eyes upon mine, thinking that she could discern in them evident signs of her victory; but I surprised her much by alluding to one point which, with all her cunning, she had neglected to mention in her defence.  Rhetoric makes use of nature’s secrets in the same way as painters who try to imitate it:  their most beautiful work is false.  This young girl, whose mind had not been refined by study, aimed at being considered innocent and artless, and she did her best to succeed, but I had seen too good a specimen of her cleverness.

“Well, my dear Bettina,” I said, “your story has affected me; but how do you think I am going to accept your convulsions as natural, and to believe in the demoniac symptoms which came on so seasonably during the exorcisms, although you very properly expressed your doubts on the matter?”

Hearing this, Bettina stared at me, remaining silent for a few minutes, then casting her eyes down she gave way to fresh tears, exclaiming now and then:  “Poor me! oh, poor me!” This situation, however, becoming most painful to me, I asked what I could do for her.  She answered in a sad tone that if my heart did not suggest to me what to do, she did not herself see what she could demand of me.

“I thought,” said she, “that I would reconquer my lost influence over your heart, but, I see it too plainly, you no longer feel an interest in me.  Go on treating me harshly; go on taking for mere fictions sufferings which are but too real, which you have caused, and which you will now increase.  Some day, but too late, you will be sorry, and your repentance will be bitter indeed.”

As she pronounced these words she rose to take her leave; but judging her capable of anything I felt afraid, and I detained her to say that the only way to regain my affection was to remain one month without convulsions and without handsome Father Mancia’s presence being required.

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The Complete Memoirs of Jacques Casanova from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.