do not believe in them myself, but the foreboding of evil, which almost broke my heart as he gave me his farewell kiss, did not deceive me.  I felt the cold shivering of death run through me; I felt I was looking at him for the last time, and I fainted away.  Alas! my fears proved only too prophetic.  Salimberi died a year ago in the Tyrol in the prime of life, with the calmness of a true philosopher.  His death compelled me to earn my living with the assistance of my musical talent.  My mother advised me to continue to give myself out as a castrato, in the hope of being able to take me to Rome.  I agreed to do so, for I did not feel sufficient energy to decide upon any other plan.  In the meantime she accepted an offer for the Ancona Theatre, and Petronio took the part of first female dancer; in this way we played the comedy of ‘The World Turned Upside Down.’

“After Salimberi, you are the only man I have known, and, if you like, you can restore me to my original state, and make me give up the name of Bellino, which I hate since the death of my protector, and which begins to inconvenience me.  I have only appeared at two theatres, and each time I have been compelled to submit to the scandalous, degrading examination, because everywhere I am thought to have too much the appearance of a girl, and I am admitted only after the shameful test has brought conviction.  Until now, fortunately, I have had to deal only with old priests who, in their good faith, have been satisfied with a very slight examination, and have made a favourable report to the bishop; but I might fall into the hands of some young abbe, and the test would then become a more severe one.  Besides, I find myself exposed to the daily persecutions of two sorts of beings:  those who, like you, cannot and will not believe me to be a man, and those who, for the satisfaction of their disgusting propensities, are delighted at my being so, or find it advantageous to suppose me so.  The last particularly annoy me!  Their tastes are so infamous, their habits so low, that I fear I shall murder one of them some day, when I can no longer control the rage in which their obscene language throws me.  Out of pity, my beloved angel, be generous; and, if you love me, oh! free me from this state of shame and degradation!  Take me with you.  I do not ask to become your wife, that would be too much happiness; I will only be your friend, your mistress, as I would have been Salimberi’s; my heart is pure and innocent, I feel that I can remain faithful to my lover through my whole life.  Do not abandon me.  The love I have for you is sincere; my affection for Salimberi was innocent; it was born of my inexperience and of my gratitude, and it is only with you that I have felt myself truly a woman.”