It is possible that I should not have strangled him, but I was very much tempted to do so.  A prisoner who is happy enough to sleep soundly, all the while he sleeps is no longer a captive, and feels no more the weight of his chains.  He ought to look upon the wretch who awakens him as a guard who deprives him of his liberty, and makes him feel his misery once more, since, awakening, he feels all his former woes.  Furthermore, the sleeping prisoner often dreams that he is free again, in like manner as the wretch dying of hunger sees himself in dreams seated at a sumptuous feast.

I congratulated myself on not having commenced my great work before he came, especially as he required that the room should be swept out.  The first time he asked for it to be dote, the guards made me laugh by saying that it would kill me.  However, he insisted; and I had my revenge by pretending to be ill, but from interested motives I made no further opposition.

On the Wednesday in Holy Week Lawrence told us that the secretary would make us the customary visit in the afternoon, the object being to give peace to them that would receive the sacrament at Easter, and also to know if they had anything to say against the gaoler.  “So, gentlemen,” said Lawrence, “if you have any complaints to make of me make them.  Dress yourselves fully, as is customary.”  I told Lawrence to get me a confessor for the day.

I put myself into full dress, and the Jew followed my example, taking leave of me in advance, so sure was he that the secretary would set him free on hearing what he had to say.  “My presentiment,” said he, “is of the same kind as I have had before, and I have never been deceived.”

“I congratulate you, but don’t reckon without your host.”  He did not understand what I meant.

In course of time the secretary came, and as soon as the cell-door was opened the Jew ran out and threw himself at his feet on both knees, I heard for five minutes nothing but his tears and complaints, for the secretary said not one word.  He came back, and Lawrence told me to go out.  With a beard of eight months’ growth, and a dress made for love-making in August, I must have presented a somewhat curious appearance.  Much to my disgust I shivered with cold, and was afraid that the secretary would think I was trembling with fear.  As I was obliged to bend low to come out of my hole, my bow was ready made, and drawing myself up, I looked at him calmly without affecting any unseasonable hardihood, and waited for him to speak.  The secretary also kept silence, so that we stood facing each other like a pair of statues.  At the end of two minutes, the secretary, seeing that I said nothing, gave me a slight bow, and went away.  I re-entered my cell, and taking off my clothes in haste, got into bed to get warm again.  The Jew was astonished at my not having spoken to the secretary, although my silence had cried more loudly than his cowardly complaints.  A prisoner of my kind has no business to open his mouth before his judge, except to answer questions.  On Maundy Thursday a Jesuit came to confess me, and on Holy Saturday a priest of St. Mark’s came to administer to me the Holy Communion.  My confession appearing rather too laconic to the sweet son of Ignatius he thought good to remonstrate with me before giving me his absolution.